A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Wal- Mart in a buggy. Each time she put something in the basket she would say, "And here’s something for you, Diploma." or "This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma." and so on. Eventually a bewildered shopper who’d heard all this finally asked, "Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?" The grandmother replied, "I sent my daughter to the University of Virginia and this is what she came home with!"
Teacher: “You missed school yesterday, didn’t you?” Boy: “Not a bit!”
Chuck Norris's 1st Grade teacher asked him how many stars there were on the American Flag. Chuck Norris replied "Yes." and was correct.
Teacher: Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt? Father: No. Why do you ask that? Teacher: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
Teacher: Billy, how do you spell "Crocodile"? Billy: ‘K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' Teacher: No, that's wrong Billy: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
Q: Why can't a blonde count to 70? A: Because 69's a mouthful.
Father: "You've got 4 D's and a C on your report." Son: "Maybe I concentrated too much on the one subject..."
What did the tampon say to the other tampon in school? I'll see you next period.
Teacher: Ramu, give me a sentence starting with " I ". Ramu: I is... Teacher: No, Ramu. Always say, "I am." Ramu: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
A gentleman wanders around the campus of a college looking for the library. He approaches a student and asked, “Excuse me, young man. Would you be good enough and tell me where the library is at?” The student, in a very arrogant and belittling tone, replied, “I sorry, sir, but at this school, we are taught never to end a sentence with a preposition!” The gentleman smiled, and in a very apologetic tone replied, “I beg your pardon. Please allow me to rephrase my question. Would you be good enough to tell me where the library is at, asshole?”