The best sex jokes

Two old ladies were outside smoking one day when it started to rain. One of the ladies took out a condom, cut off the tip, and put it over her cigarette. The other lady said, 'Hey, that's a good idea. What's that called?' The lady responded, 'It's a condom.' The other lady said, 'Where can you get one of those?' She said, 'Oh, just about any grocery of drug store.' So, the next day, the lady went to a local drug store, went up to the cashier, and said, 'I need to get some condoms.' The cashier looked at her puzzled (because of her age) and said, 'UH, what size?' The lady responded, 'Hmm, one that would fit a camel.'
Vote: has 71.94 % from 356 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, drug, sex
An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get to talking. They are enjoying their conversation so much that, when the bar closes, they decide to continue at the woman's apartment. After a time, things start getting pretty romantic and they wind up in bed. Afterward, they're both laying there, staring at the ceiling. The old man is thinking, “Gosh, if I had known she was a virgin, I would have been more careful with her.” The old lady is thinking, “Geez, if I had known he could get it up, I would have taken off my panties.”
Vote: has 71.72 % from 46 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bar, dirty, old people, romantic, sex
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
Vote: has 71.63 % from 465 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
They are going to play golf at the business meeting. The guy flies out there a day early. He's got all day in Japan so he decides he wants to get himself a geisha. He goes to a house of ill repute and finds what he's looking for. He takes her in back and starts doing his thing. The girl starts going crazy. She starts yelling, "Machigatta ana! Machigatta ana!" He thinks, "This girl is loving this." Next day in the golf course he hits a hole in one. He doesn't know any Japanese so he yells, "Machigatta ana!" The Japanese guys ask him, "What do you mean wrong hole?"
Vote: has 71.53 % from 50 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, ethnic, golf, sex
Q: What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction? A: What the Fuck! and What a Fuck!
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More jokes about: communication, life, sex
I'm an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
Vote: has 71.52 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, flirt, sex, work
Men are like... Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
Vote: has 71.43 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: chocolate, food, men, sex
I and my two mates went to a hooker and she told us that it will cost us a pound an inch. My first mate went in and came out after minutes, saying, it cost me a tenner! My second mate went in and came out ten minutes later and said, it cost me £9.50! I went in and came out ten minutes later and said, it cost me £3.50.! "What do you mean," they asked me. "I told them, you both paid on the way in but I paid on the way out."
Vote: has 71.43 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, friendship, money, sex, time
Think of the hottest woman. Chuck Norris did her.
Vote: has 71.43 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, Chuck Norris, sex, women
Kissing is a habit Fucking is a game Guys get all the pleasure Girls get all the pain The guy says I love you You believe its true But when your tummy starts to swell, He says 'to hell with you' 10 minutes of pleasure 9 months in pain 3 days in hospital A baby without a name The baby is a bastard The mother is a whore This never wouldn't have happened If the rubber wouldn't have torn
Vote: has 71.39 % from 131 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, love, poems, sex, vulgar