The best sex jokes

An old man goes into a pharmacy, asks for two Viagra pills and demands that the pharmacist cut them in half. The pharmacist winks at him, "OK, but do you realize they won't be as effective?" The old man says, "Listen sonny, I'm 80 years old. I don't want them for sex. I need them for getting me hard enough so I don't pee on my shoes."
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More jokes about: age, life, old people, sex, viagra
Q: Why would a blonde wear green lipstick? A: Because red means Stop.
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More jokes about: beauty, blonde, communication, dirty, sex
The biggest difference between men and women is what comes to mind when the word 'Facial' is used.
Vote: has 71.12 % from 118 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Priest walks into a hotel reception and says 'I have booked a room for the night, but I hope the pornography on the television is disabled'. The receptionist say 'You weirdo, its normal porn!'
Vote: has 71.07 % from 102 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: priest, sex
Dad shouts: "Stop watching porn, I can hear it in my room!" Son: "Dad.. I'm not watching porn, that is Maria Sharapova playing Tennis!"
Vote: has 71.00 % from 370 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex, sport
Kissing is a habit Fucking is a game Guys get all the pleasure Girls get all the pain The guy says I love you You believe its true But when your tummy starts to swell, He says 'to hell with you' 10 minutes of pleasure 9 months in pain 3 days in hospital A baby without a name The baby is a bastard The mother is a whore This never wouldn't have happened If the rubber wouldn't have torn
Vote: has 70.99 % from 133 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, love, poems, sex, vulgar
Knock-Knock Who is there? A long penis with a naked head. Come in please we were waiting for you.
Vote: has 70.94 % from 194 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, knock-knock, sex
A married couple was walking down the street when an alien spacecraft landed in front of them. A married alien couple walked out and said, "Hello, earthlings, we come in peace. We are scientists from the planet GRUDO-X and we want you to tell us all about your planet." So they talked for hours, until they came to the subject of sex. The humans told the aliens how humans have sex and the aliens were in shock! It was very similar to the way the aliens did it. The men in the group decided to have a little experiment with switching wives for a night. When the human woman saw the alien man undress, she immediately laughed at his "thing." The alien looked down and said, "Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot." And he hit his head twice and "it" grew at least two feet. The woman said "Wow! That's impressive, but I could snap that thing if I wanted to." So the alien pulled his ears twice and it expanded. The two had the greatest sex of their lives. The next morning the human man came for his wife and asked, "How was it?" The wife replied, "Great!" The man said, "Well, for some strange reason thealien woman kept jumping on me, pulling my ears and hitting me on the head, screaming, "It's broken! It's broken!"
Vote: has 70.94 % from 585 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, science, sex
A man says to his wife, "I fancy kinky sex, how about I blow my load in your ear?" The wife hastily replies, "No, I might go deaf!" To which the man replies, "I've been shooting my love wads in your mouth for the last 20 years and you're still fucking talking aren't you?"
Vote: has 70.91 % from 121 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, love, sex, wife
Yo mama is so fat whenever I want to make sex I would request her to fart in order to find the address of her ass.
Vote: has 70.88 % from 167 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, fart, fat, sex, Yo mama