The best sex jokes

"I just had sexed in school today, dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my 16th biurthday, my boyfriend will die." "Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will."
Vote: has 68.26 % from 52 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, birthday, dad, kids, sex
Your best friend has three girlfriends. Their names are Doe, Ray, and Me. All 3 want to do something special so they set up some dates. Three days ago Doe kisses him. Two days ago Ray gives him vaginal sex. Yesterday, who sucks his dick?
Vote: has 68.23 % from 1344 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dating, sex
Why do women need guys? Vibrators don’t usually pay for drinks.
Vote: has 68.20 % from 103 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Robert came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed. 'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', Asked Robert. 'I'm going to Nairobi', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get 4000 a night for what I give you for free! 'Robert said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand. 'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife. Robert said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on 8000 a year!'
Vote: has 68.15 % from 63 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money, sex, travel, wife, work
Unexpected sex - is the best thing to wake up, unless you're in prison...
Vote: has 68.14 % from 265 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
Vote: has 68.13 % from 131 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
A married couple was on holiday in Pakistan they were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From the inside they head a Pakistani accent say, "you foreigners come in. Come in my humble shop." so the married couple walked in. The Pakistani man said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you'd be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great dessert camel" Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man had claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being a sex hero he as. The husband, "how could sandals make you into a sex freak?" The Pakistani man replied, why don't you see for yourself?" Well , the husband after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped then onto this feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in years-- raw sexual power. In a blink of an eye the husband rushed of too the Pakistani man threw him on the table and started tearing at the guy's pants. All the time the Pakistani man was screaming, "YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET"
Vote: has 68.03 % from 220 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: gay, marriage, sex, travel, wife
Mothers have Mother's Day and fathers have Father's Day. What do single guys have? Palm Sunday.
Vote: has 68.01 % from 44 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Fathers day, sex, single
Once while having s*x in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and ran into the engine. We now know this truck....as Optimus Prime.
Vote: has 68.01 % from 44 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, sex
Have you heard about the new "Mint flavored birth control pill" for women that they take immediately before sex? They're called "Predickamints".
Vote: has 67.94 % from 95 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: drug, sex