The best sex jokes

There's some soldiers in Vietnam. And they've been pinned down in their trench for days. Finally one guy says,"Fuck this I really have to pee guys. Lay down covering fire, i'll run into the bushes. When I'm done I'll give a signal and you can give me covering fire while i run back." So they lay down fire, and he runs off into the jungle. But he's gone for a good half an hour, they're finally convinced that he's been murdered by Charlie when they hear the signal. So they lay down fire and he sprints out of the jungle and leaps back into the trench. So obviously they're pretty confused. They ask "what the hell took you so long man?" The guy says, "well i was just finishing up my business, when I met this beautiful Vietnamese girl, and we just started having sex right there. we did every position imaginable, missionary, doggy style, everything. It was great." One of his buddies asks "Well did you get any head?" He replies "There was no head."
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has 69.73 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: black humor, military, sex
A sexy girl looks at the big beer belly of a man and asks: Is that Carlsberg or Tuborg? There‘s a tap underneath it – why don‘t you taste it yourself?
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has 69.73 % from 347 votes. More jokes about: sex
Sex without condoms is magical... A baby appears and father disappears.
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has 69.66 % from 261 votes. More jokes about: sex
Sex isn’t the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.
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has 69.65 % from 243 votes. More jokes about: sex
Condoms are not completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and he got hit by a bus.
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has 69.47 % from 365 votes. More jokes about: sex
Women need a reason to have sex - men just need a place.
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has 69.44 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: dirty, men, sex, women
I and my two mates went to a hooker and she told us that it will cost us a pound an inch. My first mate went in and came out after minutes, saying, it cost me a tenner! My second mate went in and came out ten minutes later and said, it cost me £9.50! I went in and came out ten minutes later and said, it cost me £3.50.! "What do you mean," they asked me. "I told them, you both paid on the way in but I paid on the way out."
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has 69.39 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: communication, friendship, money, sex, time
Valentines Day is the day that the "V" and "D" come together.
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has 69.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex, Valentines day
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common? Men always miss them.
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has 69.28 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: anniversary, men, sex
Q: Why did they make glow in the dark condoms? A: So gay guys can play star wars.
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has 69.25 % from 136 votes. More jokes about: dirty, gay, men, sex
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