The best sex jokes

Got my wife a dildo and some shoes for her birthday. If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself.
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has 68.86 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: birthday, dirty, masturbation, sex, vulgar
Knock-Knock Who is there? A long penis with a naked head. Come in please we were waiting for you.
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has 68.86 % from 589 votes. More jokes about: dirty, knock-knock, sex
Q: What is the most confusing day in Harlem? A: Father's Day.
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has 68.84 % from 504 votes. More jokes about: black people, Fathers day, kids, sex
Unexpected sex - is the best thing to wake up, unless you're in prison...
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has 68.78 % from 281 votes. More jokes about: sex
A cruise ship founders on a reef, and a man just manages to swim some miles and crawl up on a desert island. After recovering from the ordeal, he begins to explore and finds to his great surprise (and pleasure) that the only other survivor of this terrible tragedy is Cindy Crawford. They build a lean-to and find some food and water. After a few weeks, it becomes clear that help is not on the way, so they start to get intimate. The guy is clearly ecstatic for a couple of weeks, but one morning she awakes to find him moping under a tree. "What's the matter?" Cindy says: "Is there anything I can do?" "Well, I am a little shy about asking you," he replies: "But could you take some of that charcoal from the fire and paint a mustache on your face?" "A mustache? Well... I... I suppose so", and she does it. "Now, there's just one other thing. Can I call you Bob... like my friend?" "Bob? Well... if it will make you feel better... all right." "Great!" he cries, looks at her and says: "Bob! You're never gonna believe who I'm fucking!"
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has 68.77 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: desert island, friendship, sex, time, travel
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives. Karen said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does." Joanne giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner, because of his incredible shaft." Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, "Well, what do you call your boyfriend?" Kathy frowned and said, "The postman." Looking puzzeled Joanne asked, "Why the postman?" "Because… he always delivers late and half the time it’s in the wrong box."
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has 68.73 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, husband, men, sex, women
An old lady goes to her doctor and asks for contraceptive tablets, claiming they help her sleep at night. ‘Why would contraceptive pills make you sleep any better than normal?’ asks the doctor. The old lady replies, ‘Because I put them in my grandaughter’s coffee.’
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has 68.51 % from 122 votes. More jokes about: sex
A doctor asks a patient while examining her: How many sex partners did you have? 5 or 6, don't remember exactly.. Hmm, not that many... Yes, that wasn't the most successful weekend.
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has 68.46 % from 336 votes. More jokes about: sex
You are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
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has 68.44 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: beauty, dirty, flirt, life, sex
Q: What type of bees make milk? A: Boo-bees.
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has 68.41 % from 720 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, sex
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