The best sex jokes

Sex without condoms is magical... A baby appears and father disappears.
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has 69.66 % from 261 votes. More jokes about: sex
"I just had sexed in school today, dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my 16th biurthday, my boyfriend will die." "Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will."
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has 69.53 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, dad, kids, sex
Condoms are not completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and he got hit by a bus.
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has 69.47 % from 365 votes. More jokes about: sex
Would you take a bullet for the last person you had sex with? Anything for the family.
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has 69.39 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty, family, redneck, sex
A tight rope Walker is walking a tight rope between two buildings on the 85th floor in new York. At the same time in South Texas is getting a blow job from a 85 year old lady. What are both men thinking? Don't look down.
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has 69.28 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: age, death, dirty, geography, sex
A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!"
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has 69.28 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: baby, dirty, life, marriage, sex
The average speed of ejaculation is 45km/h, which is probably why I was arrested for doing it outside a school.
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has 69.24 % from 103 votes. More jokes about: dirty, school, sex
One morning, while she was making breakfast, the local fitness freak walked up to his wife, pinched her on the bum and said, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle." This was a bit over the limit, but she controlled herself and replied with silence. Next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast. "You know love if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bras." That was too far over the limit. She rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. Maintaining a vice grip, she whispered in his ear, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the pool man, the gardener and your brother."
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has 69.22 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: fitness, health, sex, sport, wife
There's some soldiers in Vietnam. And they've been pinned down in their trench for days. Finally one guy says,"Fuck this I really have to pee guys. Lay down covering fire, i'll run into the bushes. When I'm done I'll give a signal and you can give me covering fire while i run back." So they lay down fire, and he runs off into the jungle. But he's gone for a good half an hour, they're finally convinced that he's been murdered by Charlie when they hear the signal. So they lay down fire and he sprints out of the jungle and leaps back into the trench. So obviously they're pretty confused. They ask "what the hell took you so long man?" The guy says, "well i was just finishing up my business, when I met this beautiful Vietnamese girl, and we just started having sex right there. we did every position imaginable, missionary, doggy style, everything. It was great." One of his buddies asks "Well did you get any head?" He replies "There was no head."
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has 69.16 % from 99 votes. More jokes about: black humor, military, sex
Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
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has 69.06 % from 171 votes. More jokes about: sex
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