There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible. Steve Martin
Question: If you went to a party and woke up with a condom in your ass would you tell anyone? Answer: No! Response: Wanna go to a party?
In year 1272 Arabics invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine. In year 1873 the British somewhat reinvented the condom by taking it out of the goat first.
Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Man, to woman, ‘Am I the first man you ever made love to?’ Woman, ‘You might be. Now you come to mention it, your face does look familiar.’
At school one day, the teacher was trying to approach the topic of sex education and asked her students if they'd ever seen anything that was related to sex education on TV. Mary raised her hand and said she had seen a movie about women having babies. "Great," said the teacher, "that's very important." Then Judy raised her hand and told the teacher she had seen a TV show about people getting married. "Well, that has to do with it too," said the teacher. Then Johnny raised his hand and said he had seen a western where some Indians came riding over the hill and John Wayne shot them all. The teacher said, "Well, Johnny, that really doesn't have anything to do with sex education." "Yes it does," said Johnny, " it taught those Indians not to f**k with John Wayne."
Two policemen are walking the beat when one says, ‘When I get home, I’m going straight upstairs and tearing off the wife’s underwear.’ ‘Feelling randy?’ asks the other. ‘No,’ says the first. ‘The elastic is killing me.’
Man to a woman: "Do you know the difference between a blowjob and a cheeseburger is?" Woman: "No." Man: "Lets have lunch sometime…"
What is a man's idea of foreplay? A half hour of begging.
So I was at the local corner store one night and bought a pack of condoms. I went up to pay for them and the store clerk said would you like a bag? I said No, she's not that ugly. Then the 3 ladies behind me started giggling and I said wait sir, you'd better make that 3 packs.