The average speed of ejaculation is 45km/h, which is probably why I was arrested for doing it outside a school.
There's some soldiers in Vietnam. And they've been pinned down in their trench for days. Finally one guy says,"Fuck this I really have to pee guys. Lay down covering fire, i'll run into the bushes. When I'm done I'll give a signal and you can give me covering fire while i run back." So they lay down fire, and he runs off into the jungle. But he's gone for a good half an hour, they're finally convinced that he's been murdered by Charlie when they hear the signal. So they lay down fire and he sprints out of the jungle and leaps back into the trench. So obviously they're pretty confused. They ask "what the hell took you so long man?" The guy says, "well i was just finishing up my business, when I met this beautiful Vietnamese girl, and we just started having sex right there. we did every position imaginable, missionary, doggy style, everything. It was great." One of his buddies asks "Well did you get any head?" He replies "There was no head."
A sexy girl looks at the big beer belly of a man and asks: Is that Carlsberg or Tuborg? There‘s a tap underneath it – why don‘t you taste it yourself?
Sex without condoms is magical... A baby appears and father disappears.
Condoms are not completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and he got hit by a bus.
Women need a reason to have sex - men just need a place.
Would you take a bullet for the last person you had sex with? Anything for the family.
Valentines Day is the day that the "V" and "D" come together.
A furniture store keeps calling me. But all I wanted was one night stand.
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common? Men always miss them.