The best sex jokes

An old man goes into a pharmacy, asks for two Viagra pills and demands that the pharmacist cut them in half. The pharmacist winks at him, "OK, but do you realize they won't be as effective?" The old man says, "Listen sonny, I'm 80 years old. I don't want them for sex. I need them for getting me hard enough so I don't pee on my shoes."
Vote: has 65.48 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, life, old people, sex, viagra
Son: "What's love juice daddy?" Me: "It's what 2 people make when they're having exciting sex. Anyway? What are you watching?" Son: "Wimbledon."
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More jokes about: dad, love, sex, sport
An old lady goes to her doctor and asks for contraceptive tablets, claiming they help her sleep at night. ‘Why would contraceptive pills make you sleep any better than normal?’ asks the doctor. The old lady replies, ‘Because I put them in my grandaughter’s coffee.’
Vote: has 65.28 % from 110 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
What did Adam say to Eve? ‘Stand back! I don’t know how big this thing gets!’
Vote: has 65.25 % from 74 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Q: How do you make your wife scream while having sex? A: Call her and tell her.
Vote: has 65.22 % from 547 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: phone, sex, wife
One morning, while she was making breakfast, the local fitness freak walked up to his wife, pinched her on the bum and said, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle." This was a bit over the limit, but she controlled herself and replied with silence. Next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast. "You know love if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bras." That was too far over the limit. She rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. Maintaining a vice grip, she whispered in his ear, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the pool man, the gardener and your brother."
Vote: has 65.19 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fitness, health, sex, sport, wife
So I was at the local corner store one night and bought a pack of condoms. I went up to pay for them and the store clerk said would you like a bag? I said No, she's not that ugly. Then the 3 ladies behind me started giggling and I said wait sir, you'd better make that 3 packs.
Vote: has 65.19 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, sex
Q: Why do bunnies have soft sex? A: They have cotton balls.
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, sex
A man and woman are lying in bed after a disappointing bout of sex. ‘You’ve got a very small organ,’ says the woman. The man replies, ‘Well I didn’t know I’d be playing in the Albert Hall.’
Vote: has 65.12 % from 77 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Q: How do you know when a machanic has had sex? A: Two of his fingers are clean.
Vote: has 65.09 % from 241 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, mechanic, sex