You are so selfish!
You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
In funeral of my friend's wife, I went to condole him so I said: "Don't think she was your wife, she was for all".
Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized."
Q: Why was the blonde girl's belly button bruised?
A: Because blonde men are dumb too.
Advice for office managers: Keep the sexual harassment complaint forms in the bottom drawer.
That way, when she goes to get one you'll get a great view of her arse.
One morning, while she was making breakfast, the local fitness freak walked up to his wife, pinched her on the bum and said, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."
This was a bit over the limit, but she controlled herself and replied with silence.
Next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast.
"You know love if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bras."
That was too far over the limit.
She rolled over and grabbed him by the penis.
Maintaining a vice grip, she whispered in his ear, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the pool man, the gardener and your brother."
Q: "What is the difference between like and love?"
A: "Spit and swallow."
Why do women close their eyes during sex?
They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
Warning ladies!
Never trust a man who calls you "SEXY".
This is why. When he removes the letter 'Y' it means you're down for "SEX". After sex, he will remove the letter "S" and start calling you his "EX".