The best sex jokes

Q: What did Snow White say to Pinocchio when she was sitting on his face? A: "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
Vote: has 67.69 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, dirty, sex
One morning, while she was making breakfast, the local fitness freak walked up to his wife, pinched her on the bum and said, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle." This was a bit over the limit, but she controlled herself and replied with silence. Next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast. "You know love if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bras." That was too far over the limit. She rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. Maintaining a vice grip, she whispered in his ear, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the pool man, the gardener and your brother."
Vote: has 67.69 % from 51 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: fitness, health, sex, sport, wife
If your right leg was Halloween and the other one was Christmas I would have come visit you between the holidays.
Vote: has 67.69 % from 51 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Christmas, dirty, flirt, Halloween, sex
You are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
Vote: has 67.69 % from 51 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, dirty, flirt, life, sex
Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
Vote: has 67.69 % from 160 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: sex
Q: How do you know a blonde just lost her virginity? A: The crayons are still sticky.
Vote: has 67.68 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, dirty, disgusting, sex
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common? Men always miss them.
Vote: has 67.64 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: anniversary, men, sex
An old couple returning from florida cross the border. The customs agent ask the man "did you buy anything while in the US. the man answers no. the man's wife asks her husband "what did he say?". the man tells his wife "the agent wants to know if we bought anything". the customs agent asks the man where he is from. the man answers "toronto". the man's wife says "what did he say?" the man tells his wife "he wanted to know where we were from. the agent says to the man " i was in toronto once, i had the worst sex ever in my life in toronto." the man's wife says "what did he say?" the husband tells his wife "he thinks he knows you dear."
Vote: has 67.41 % from 145 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: husband, sex, travel, wife
Q: "What is the difference between like and love?" A: "Spit and swallow."
Vote: has 67.29 % from 248 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, love, sex
Some newly-weds arrive to the hotel and the girl very afraid tells her husband: "Honey, I don't know nothing of this, can you help me, please?" I will Honey, starting from this instant, we will call your thing the prison and my thing will we call the prisoner, so... we will put the prisoner in the prison" And they throw the first one. and the guy is laying face up on the bed, but the girl was delighted and tells her husband: "Love, the prisoner is outside the prison!!!" The guy not very delighted tells her: "Lets put him into the prison another time!!" And the second ...but the girl is very sweet-toothed and she tells him: "!! Honey !!!... .The prisoner is out again!!!" The man rises, with the legs like a recently born foal. And they throw the third!!! He is laying on the bed, exhausted and the girl says: "!!! Honey, the prisoner escaped again!!!" And he answers with his last breath: "HEY !, It's not life imprisonment!!
Vote: has 67.25 % from 297 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: husband, life, love, prison, sex


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