Sex is bad Sex is a sin Sins are forgiven So stick it in.
A woman was suspicious in the loyalty of her husband for a long time and she decided to make him jealous. "My love, what would you say if I was having sex with your best friend?" "I'd say you're a lesbian!"
Did I tell you the joke about my dick? Never mind its too long.
Once while having s*x in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and ran into the engine. We now know this truck....as Optimus Prime.
Q: How do you make your wife scream while having sex? A: Call her and tell her.
There were two security guards who worked on opposite shifts, but looked after the same building. Over a period of a year, the night shift security guard noticed that his opposite was putting on weight. So one evening at shift change, the night shift security guard says to the day shift security guard "Hey buddy, you aint half gettin fat". To which the day shift guard replies "Yeah, that's because every time I shag your wife she gives me a chocolate biscuit".
Q: Why did dinosaurs have sex under water? A: You try to keep five hundred pounds of pussy wet!
An old couple decide to get married after years of courting. They sit down to discuss the marriage arrangements and the prospective bridegroom brings up the subject of sex. ‘Oh dear,’ says his aging fiancée. ‘As far as sex goes I’d have to say, infrequently.’ ‘Pardon?’ replies the bridegroom. ‘Was that one word or two?’
A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. "Do you want a bag?", the cashier asks. "No", the guy says, "She's not that ugly."
Two hookers standing on a street corner started discussing business. One of the hookers said, "Gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air." The other hooker looked at her and said, "Sorry No, I just burped."