That awkward moment when you're about to hug someone sexy as hell and then you hit the mirror.
Q: How do you know when a machanic has had sex? A: Two of his fingers are clean.
Two policemen are walking the beat when one says, ‘When I get home, I’m going straight upstairs and tearing off the wife’s underwear.’ ‘Feelling randy?’ asks the other. ‘No,’ says the first. ‘The elastic is killing me.’
When I was young my sister used to play with dolls and I played with soldiers, now we do it the other way round.
Q: How do you make your wife scream while having sex? A: Call her and tell her.
A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. "Do you want a bag?", the cashier asks. "No", the guy says, "She's not that ugly."
Q. Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe? A. They're called Dikes. They have an extra long tongue and only take one finger to get off!
What’s the difference between ‘Oooh!’ and ‘Aaah!’? About three inches.
Valentines Day is the day that the "V" and "D" come together.
Q: What's the worst part about sex? A: When they wake up!