The best sex jokes

In an elementary school, the teacher gives school work to the class. Everybody writes except little John. The teacher asks him: John, why aren’t you writing? I’m exhausted because of sex. That should not be a problem, write with your left hand.
Vote: has 58.00 % from 142 votes. Send joke:

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"Grandma, in the greengrocery they have that thick and that long cucumber." Deaf grandma answers,"be sure he'll also marry you."
Vote: has 57.82 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

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Why did the pervert cross the road? Because he was stuck in the chicken.
Vote: has 57.44 % from 62 votes. Send joke:

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A woman goes into a noisy launderette and asks the assistant to do a service wash. ‘What?!’ shouts the assistant. ‘Come again?!’ ‘No!’ shouts back the woman. ‘This time it’s mustard!’
Vote: has 57.44 % from 62 votes. Send joke:

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A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "Okay, sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is put the prisoner in the prison." And they made love for the first time and the husband was smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped." Turning on his side, he smiles and says, "Then we will have to re-imprison him." After the second time, the bride says, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!" The husband rises to the occasion and they made love again. The bride again says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again," to which the husband yelled, "Hey, it's not a life sentence!!!"
Vote: has 57.30 % from 75 votes. Send joke:

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Why are guys like microwavable meals? They’re both done in 30 seconds.
Vote: has 57.27 % from 51 votes. Send joke:

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Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
Vote: has 57.06 % from 209 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What do you call the sweat on your balls after having sex with your cousin? A: Relative humidity.
Vote: has 56.98 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, sex
When Viagra first came out my wife and I decided to give it a go to see what all the fuss was about. I popped the pill and waited the 15 minutes and then it was on for young and old. We timed the performance to the minute and it all finally subsided at 3 hours and 17 minutes. I asked the missus what she thought and she simply stated that she couldn't understand what all the hype was about for an extra 17 minutes...
Vote: has 56.92 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, sex, time, viagra, wife
Yo moma so fat that when I tried to have sex with her I burned my ass off the lightbulb.
Vote: has 56.84 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, insulting, light bulb, sex, Yo mama