An old couple decide to get married after years of courting.
They sit down to discuss the marriage arrangements and the prospective bridegroom brings up the subject of sex.
‘Oh dear,’ says his aging fiancée.
‘As far as sex goes I’d have to say, infrequently.’
‘Pardon?’ replies the bridegroom.
‘Was that one word or two?’
Q: How do you make your wife scream while having sex?
A: Call her and tell her.
Q: Why do women have two holes so close together?
A: In case you miss.
Knock, Knock
Who is there?
A long erected penis with an eye on my head and some wools in my feet.
What do you want?
Is there any body to suck me? I want to weep.
What did the elephant say to the nude man?
‘It’s cute, but can it pick up peanuts?’
Q: What does a gay order in a Chinese restaurant?
A: Sum Yung Gi.
Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
What did Adam say to Eve?
‘Stand back!
I don’t know how big this thing gets!’
Q: Why did the gay man take two aspirin with his Viagra?
A: So sex wouldn't be such a pain in the arse.
There were two security guards who worked on opposite shifts, but looked after the same building.
Over a period of a year, the night shift security guard noticed that his opposite was putting on weight.
So one evening at shift change, the night shift security guard says to the day shift security guard "Hey buddy, you aint half gettin fat".
To which the day shift guard replies "Yeah, that's because every time I shag your wife she gives me a chocolate biscuit".