A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest.
After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!".
The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
Once while having s*x in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and ran into the engine.
We now know this truck....as Optimus Prime.
Vote:
Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?
They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.
A man limps into a bar with a cane and alligator.
The bartender stops him and says "Hold on a second here - you can't bring that animal in here, they aren't allowed!"
So the man says, "But my gator here does a really cool trick..."
The bartender says "Well then, lets see!"
So the man whips out his dick and shoves it in the gators mouth.
He then takes his cane and starts bashing the gator in the head with it.
A crowd gathers around and everyone is astonished when he pulls out his dick without a single scratch.
He looks around at the crowd and says, "Does anyone else want to try?"
An old lady raises her hand and says..."Sure, but don't hit me with that stick."
I was married to a Gemini she caught me cheating on her with herself.
A tourist in Sweden is drinking in a bar when an attractive woman sits next to him.
‘Hello,’ he says.
‘Do you speak English?’
‘Oh I speaking not much English,’ replies the woman.
‘How much?’ asks the man.
The woman replies, ‘200 Kroner.’
My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body. Now 207.
Now 206. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207...
What’s the difference between ‘Oooh!’ and ‘Aaah!’?
About three inches.
There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women.
Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.
Steve Martin
Vote:
Let me insert my plug into your socket and we can generate some electricity.