The best sex jokes

One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving when the kid he hired to mow his lawn, a local kid named Bubba, comes in to pee. The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is. "Well," says Bubba, "every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my penis on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!" The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night. So before climbing into bed with his wife, he took out his penis and whacked it three times on the bedpost. His wife, half-asleep, said, "Bubba? Is that you?"
Vote: has 53.89 % from 159 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, kids, marriage, sex
A man and woman were celebrating their 50 year anniversary. That night, the woman comes out of the bathroom completely naked and looks at her husband who is already in bed. She says, "Honey, 50 years ago tonight, when I came out of the bathroom with no clothes on, what were you thinking?" He said, "I was thinking that I wanted to suck your titties dry and fuck you until you couldn’t think straight." She smiled at him and said, "So what are you thinking now?" He said, "I think I did a pretty good job!"
Vote: has 53.78 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: anniversary, husband, marriage, sex, time
How can you tell if a blonde is having a bad day? Her tampon is behind her ear and she can’t find her pencil.
Vote: has 53.76 % from 59 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Q: Whats the definition of vagina? A: The box a penis comes in.
Vote: has 53.69 % from 54 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Q: What' is Hillary Clinton favorite movies? A: Kill BILL 1 and 2.
Vote: has 53.58 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, death, marriage, political, sex
I lost my virginity to a retard last night... I wanted my first time to be special.
Vote: has 53.57 % from 66 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Two men are having a drink together. One says, ‘I had sex with my wife before we were married. What about you?’ ‘I don’t know,’ says the other. ‘What was her maiden name?’
Vote: has 53.35 % from 56 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Q: How does an English man know that his wife has died? A: Sex is still the same but the dishes are stacked in the sink.
Vote: has 53.35 % from 56 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, sex, wife
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes." The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes-that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!" The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to." The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine." So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, I'd like a mild heart attack."
Vote: has 53.05 % from 350 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, golf, husband, money, sex
Yo moma so fat that when I tried to have sex with her I burned my ass off the lightbulb.
Vote: has 52.93 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, insulting, light bulb, sex, Yo mama