Q: What does a good steak have in common with good sex?
A: They're both very rare.
So I was at the local corner store one night and bought a pack of condoms.
I went up to pay for them and the store clerk said would you like a bag?
I said No, she's not that ugly.
Then the 3 ladies behind me started giggling and I said wait sir, you'd better make that 3 packs.
The three words most hated by men during sex: ‘Are you done?’
The three words most hated by women during sex, ‘Honey, I’m home!’
Husband: "Shall we try a different position tonight?"
Wife: "That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."
What do spinach and anal sex have in common?
If you're forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.
Vote:
A man and woman were celebrating their 50 year anniversary.
That night, the woman comes out of the bathroom completely naked and looks at her husband who is already in bed.
She says, "Honey, 50 years ago tonight, when I came out of the bathroom with no clothes on, what were you thinking?"
He said, "I was thinking that I wanted to suck your titties dry and fuck you until you couldn’t think straight."
She smiled at him and said, "So what are you thinking now?"
He said, "I think I did a pretty good job!"
John comes home and notices his wife naked in bed and the postman standing with his unzipped trousers next to the bed.
The postman wants to save the situation so he says quickly: "Mrs. Ann, I warn you for the last time! If you do not sign this letter so I will pee on your brand-new carpet."
I heard that the missionary position helps men to work out the chest and triceps... do you wanna help me verify this?
My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body. Now 207.
Now 206. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207...
A couple have been dating for a few weeks, but the guy has been afraid of making advances because he thinks his penis is on the small side.
Finally, he gets up his courage and takes her down lovers’ lane. While they’re kissing, he opens his trouser zip and guides her hand onto his organ.
‘No thanks,’ says the girl. ‘I don’t smoke.’