In year 1272 Arabics invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine. In year 1873 the British somewhat reinvented the condom by taking it out of the goat first.
Tow millipedes went for honey moon. The male one asked: "My darling, between which feet is your pussy, please?"
I hope you're into yoga, cause you're going to get a good stretch tonight.
I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?
Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
What did the elephant say to the nude man? ‘It’s cute, but can it pick up peanuts?’
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A: A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it...
Son: "What's love juice daddy?" Me: "It's what 2 people make when they're having exciting sex. Anyway? What are you watching?" Son: "Wimbledon."
Q: How do you know when a machanic has had sex? A: Two of his fingers are clean.
There were two security guards who worked on opposite shifts, but looked after the same building. Over a period of a year, the night shift security guard noticed that his opposite was putting on weight. So one evening at shift change, the night shift security guard says to the day shift security guard "Hey buddy, you aint half gettin fat". To which the day shift guard replies "Yeah, that's because every time I shag your wife she gives me a chocolate biscuit".