The best sex jokes

Q: What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? A: One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.
Vote: has 66.60 % from 27 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, sex, time, vulgar
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? A: Clothes.
Vote: has 66.60 % from 27 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, insulting, lawyer, mean, sex
One day Sven walks into the local pub and announces, "Well boys Svens is getting married." As you can imagine all of Sven's' friends were very happy for Sven's good fortune and they asked, "Who's the lucky girl?" Sven replied, "Well I am a marrying Madge." Well, this upset all of Sven's friends because Madge was nothing but a slut, and they all cried. "Sven you can't marry Madge, she's not a nice girl!" "Sven replied, "Oh ya, Sven's in love and he's a getting married." And his friends persisted, "Sven, Madge is a woman of low morals." Sven just grinned and replied, "Oh ya ya ya, but I love Madge." Finally, his friends had enough and in unison cried out, "But Sven, Madge has been screwed by every man in town!" "Oh ya ya ya," said Sven, "But it's not that big of a town."
Vote: has 66.60 % from 27 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: bar, marriage, sex
Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office. But she belonged to someone else... One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you a Ł100 if you let me have sex with you." But the girl said, "NO." Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up." She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend... So she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for Ł200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down." So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened. She responded, "The bastard used coins!"
Vote: has 66.55 % from 174 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: sex
Q. How do you know when you are getting old? A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
Vote: has 66.47 % from 261 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, fart, sex
There's some soldiers in Vietnam. And they've been pinned down in their trench for days. Finally one guy says,"Fuck this I really have to pee guys. Lay down covering fire, i'll run into the bushes. When I'm done I'll give a signal and you can give me covering fire while i run back." So they lay down fire, and he runs off into the jungle. But he's gone for a good half an hour, they're finally convinced that he's been murdered by Charlie when they hear the signal. So they lay down fire and he sprints out of the jungle and leaps back into the trench. So obviously they're pretty confused. They ask "what the hell took you so long man?" The guy says, "well i was just finishing up my business, when I met this beautiful Vietnamese girl, and we just started having sex right there. we did every position imaginable, missionary, doggy style, everything. It was great." One of his buddies asks "Well did you get any head?" He replies "There was no head."
Vote: has 66.46 % from 70 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, military, sex
Why do so many women fake orgasm? Because so many men fake foreplay.
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: men, sex, women
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 95%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
Vote: has 66.38 % from 38 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: food, science, sex, wedding, women
A man and woman are lying in bed after a disappointing bout of sex. ‘You’ve got a very small organ,’ says the woman. The man replies, ‘Well I didn’t know I’d be playing in the Albert Hall.’
Vote: has 66.34 % from 80 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: sex
In year 1272 Arabics invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.  In year 1873 the British somewhat reinvented the condom by taking it out of the goat first.
Vote: has 66.34 % from 80 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, sex, time


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