The best sex jokes

Two old women were talking about their sex lives. Ethel was upset because her sex life had really died, while Mildred said her sex life was great. Mildred counseled Ethel, "When my Sammy is getting ready for bed, I get undressed, lie on the bed, and put both legs behind my head. When he sees me like that, he gets so excited, we have wild sex the rest of the night." Ethel said, "I'm going to try that tonight." While Ethel's husband Harold was in the bathroom that night, she took off all her clothes. She struggled to get both legs behind her head. After accomplishing this great feat, Ethel fell backwards and couldn't move. Harold came out of the bathroom with a shocked look on his face. "For God's sake Ethel, comb your hair and put your teeth in. You look like an a**hole."
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has 61.15 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: death, marriage, sex, women
Yo mama's so fat that, after sex I rolled over twice and was still on the bitch!
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has 61.10 % from 140 votes. More jokes about: insulting, sex, Yo mama
What´s the difference between a goodyear and a fucking good year? 365 condoms.
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has 60.97 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: sex
Why do men like having sex with the lights on? It makes it easier to put a name to the face.
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has 60.93 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: sex
Worst way to ask for anal: "Aww come on...I bet my dick is tiny compared to some of the shits you've taken!"
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has 60.89 % from 203 votes. More jokes about: sex
Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate? A: Miracle Whip.
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has 60.85 % from 153 votes. More jokes about: age, masturbation, sex
On the beach, how can you recognise a guy who uses an inflatable sex doll? He doesn’t stare at the bikinis, he stares at the beach balls.
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has 60.80 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: sex
Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
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has 60.80 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, flirt, game, sex
A guy buys his first motorcycle. The dealer tells him to keep a jar of Vaseline handy to rub on the chrome before it rains to prevent rusting. A few months later, the young man's girlfriend invites him to dinner at her parents' house. Before they go in, she explains their family tradition that whomever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes. After dinner, everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break. After 15 minutes, the young man decides to speed things up. He leans over and kisses his woman in front of her family. No one says a word. Emboldened, he throws her on the table and has sex with her. Silence. Desperate, he grabs her mother and has sex with her on the table. Suddenly, they hear thunder rumble in the distance. The guy thinks of his bike and, instinctively, pulls the jar of Vaseline out of his pocket. "OK, OK," says the father, "I'll do the dishes!"
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has 60.75 % from 216 votes. More jokes about: dad, family, marriage, sex, weather
A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "Okay, sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is put the prisoner in the prison." And they made love for the first time and the husband was smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped." Turning on his side, he smiles and says, "Then we will have to re-imprison him." After the second time, the bride says, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!" The husband rises to the occasion and they made love again. The bride again says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again," to which the husband yelled, "Hey, it's not a life sentence!!!"
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has 60.72 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: sex
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