A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon.
That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.
Maths is like s*x...
ADD the bed
MINUS the clothes
DIVIDE the legs
and pray you don't MULTIPLY.
Two old women were talking about their sex lives.
Ethel was upset because her sex life had really died, while Mildred said her sex life was great.
Mildred counseled Ethel, "When my Sammy is getting ready for bed, I get undressed, lie on the bed, and put both legs behind my head.
When he sees me like that, he gets so excited, we have wild sex the rest of the night."
Ethel said, "I'm going to try that tonight."
While Ethel's husband Harold was in the bathroom that night, she took off all her clothes.
She struggled to get both legs behind her head.
After accomplishing this great feat, Ethel fell backwards and couldn't move.
Harold came out of the bathroom with a shocked look on his face.
"For God's sake Ethel, comb your hair and put your teeth in. You look like an a**hole."
Yo mama's so fat that, after sex I rolled over twice and was still on the bitch!
What´s the difference between a goodyear and a fucking good year? 365 condoms.
Why do men like having sex with the lights on?
It makes it easier to put a name to the face.
Worst way to ask for anal:
"Aww come on...I bet my dick is tiny compared to some of the shits you've taken!"
Yo mama's like a library, she's open to the public.
Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip.
Vote:
On the beach, how can you recognise a guy who uses an inflatable sex doll?
He doesn’t stare at the bikinis, he stares at the beach balls.