The best sex jokes

Two Italian virgins marry and go on their honeymoon. Unfortunately, neither knows what to do when they get there. The newlyweds call the groom's mother for advice. The mother says that they should sit on the bed together, snuggle, and things should happen from there. The newlyweds do this, but nothing happens. The groom calls his mother back. She says they should take their clothes off, get under the covers, and nature should take its course. The bride and groom take his mother's advice, but still nothing comes to mind. He calls his mother a third time. Getting frustrated with the situation, she says, "Listen, just take the biggest thing you have and stick it in her hairiest spot!" The groom is quiet for a moment and then asks his mother, "I've got my nose in her armpit, now what?"
Vote:
has 59.31 % from 120 votes. More jokes about: marriage, sex
There were two security guards who worked on opposite shifts, but looked after the same building. Over a period of a year, the night shift security guard noticed that his opposite was putting on weight. So one evening at shift change, the night shift security guard says to the day shift security guard "Hey buddy, you aint half gettin fat". To which the day shift guard replies "Yeah, that's because every time I shag your wife she gives me a chocolate biscuit".
Vote:
has 59.21 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: chocolate, fat, sex, wife, work
A girlfriend said to me during sex that I should be a little more graceful, so I went to ballet classes!
Vote:
has 59.20 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: communication, relationship, sex
I got into an embarrassing situation at a swingers' party last night. I snuck up behind an older lady, started fucking her from behind then looked up and suddenly realised that the guy at the other end of the spitroast, getting a blowjob, was my dad. I said, "After 30 years of marriage I can't believe you're being unfaithful to mum." He said, "I'm not."
Vote:
has 59.19 % from 125 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, sex
An alien walks into a bar and sits next to a drunk guy and begins poking him in the shoulder. The drunk guy just ignores him. After a wile the guy turns to the alien and begins looking him up and down. He notices that the alien has no genitalia. He then asks "You guys have no genitalia, how do you guy have sex?" The alien, still poking him in the arm, just smiles!
Vote:
has 59.17 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, drunk, sex
Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you? A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.
Vote:
has 59.05 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, relationship, sex
What’s the difference between a sex night with the husband and one with the truelove? About a half an hour...
Vote:
has 58.89 % from 116 votes. More jokes about: husband, love, sex
Are you a candle? Because I want to blow you.
Vote:
has 58.87 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, sex
A husband feeling a bit horny goes to the bathroom and returns with 4 aspirin and a glass of water for his wife. He says, "Here honey, here are some aspirin and a some water." She replied, "but honey I do not have a headache!" He replied, "Thank God!"
Vote:
has 58.79 % from 200 votes. More jokes about: sex
There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who have regular sex.
Vote:
has 58.78 % from 121 votes. More jokes about: IT, sex
<<<53545556
More jokes →
Page 53 of 88.