Maths is like s*x... ADD the bed MINUS the clothes DIVIDE the legs and pray you don't MULTIPLY.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a taxi cab? A: You have to pay to ride in a taxi cab.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? A: Clothes.
Q: Why did Daft Punk spend the night with a Leprechaun? A: He was "Up all night to get lucky"
The aged patient doddered into the doctor’s office with a serious complaint. "Doc, you’ve got to do something to lower my sex drive." "Come on now Mr Peters," the doctor said, "your sex drives all in your head." "Thats what I mean, you’ve got to lower it a little."
What happened when the blonde tried to give her boyfriend a blow-job while he was driving? They both fell off the motorcycle.
A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon. That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.
Two old women were talking about their sex lives. Ethel was upset because her sex life had really died, while Mildred said her sex life was great. Mildred counseled Ethel, "When my Sammy is getting ready for bed, I get undressed, lie on the bed, and put both legs behind my head. When he sees me like that, he gets so excited, we have wild sex the rest of the night." Ethel said, "I'm going to try that tonight." While Ethel's husband Harold was in the bathroom that night, she took off all her clothes. She struggled to get both legs behind her head. After accomplishing this great feat, Ethel fell backwards and couldn't move. Harold came out of the bathroom with a shocked look on his face. "For God's sake Ethel, comb your hair and put your teeth in. You look like an a**hole."
Yo mama's so fat that, after sex I rolled over twice and was still on the bitch!
Once while having s*x in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and ran into the engine. We now know this truck....as Optimus Prime.