The best sex jokes

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant.
Vote: has 51.45 % from 72 votes. Send joke:

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A newly-wed couple didn’t know the difference between putty and Vaseline. A week after the marriage all their windows fell out. Which was the least of their worries.
Vote: has 51.37 % from 65 votes. Send joke:

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Wife comes back from the doctor and says to her husband: Honey, I have a sad news - a gynecologist told me not have sex for a three weeks... Husband: And what the dentist said?
Vote: has 51.36 % from 90 votes. Send joke:

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Yo' Mama is so skanky, her idea of safe sex is to lock the car doors.
Vote: has 51.34 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, sex, Yo mama
Why is sex like a game of bridge? You don’t need a partner if you’ve got a good hand.
Vote: has 51.28 % from 44 votes. Send joke:

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The teacher had given the class an assignment. He stressed the importance of this particular assignment, and that no excuses would be accepted except illness or a death in the immediate family. A smart-ass student pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?" The class breaks up laughing, and when they settle down the teacher responds with: "Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand."
Vote: has 51.00 % from 53 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, family, school, sex, teacher
Q. Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe? A. They're called Dikes. They have an extra long tongue and only take one finger to get off!
Vote: has 51.00 % from 53 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lesbian, sex
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
Vote: has 50.99 % from 127 votes. Send joke:

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Q. How can you tell a head nurse? A. She's the one with the dirty knees!
Vote: has 50.88 % from 62 votes. Send joke:

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‘Sex for an old guy is a bit like shooting pool with a rope.’ George Burns
Vote: has 50.76 % from 55 votes. Send joke:

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