What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant.
A newly-wed couple didn’t know the difference between putty and Vaseline. A week after the marriage all their windows fell out. Which was the least of their worries.
Wife comes back from the doctor and says to her husband: Honey, I have a sad news - a gynecologist told me not have sex for a three weeks... Husband: And what the dentist said?
Yo' Mama is so skanky, her idea of safe sex is to lock the car doors.
Why is sex like a game of bridge? You don’t need a partner if you’ve got a good hand.
The teacher had given the class an assignment. He stressed the importance of this particular assignment, and that no excuses would be accepted except illness or a death in the immediate family. A smart-ass student pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?" The class breaks up laughing, and when they settle down the teacher responds with: "Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand."
Q. Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe? A. They're called Dikes. They have an extra long tongue and only take one finger to get off!
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
Q. How can you tell a head nurse? A. She's the one with the dirty knees!
‘Sex for an old guy is a bit like shooting pool with a rope.’ George Burns