In an elementary school, the teacher gives school work to the class. Everybody writes except little John. The teacher asks him: John, why aren’t you writing? I’m exhausted because of sex. That should not be a problem, write with your left hand.
One night a man and woman went to his house to have sex when he stopped her to say "I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say "lettuce" and if you want to go faster say "tomatos" So they were getting it on and she was screaming "lettuce, lettuce, tomatos, lettuce, tomatos, tomatos" Suddenly the younger brother (on the bottom bunk) said "Could you stop making sandwiches your getting mayonase on me"!
"Grandma, in the greengrocery they have that thick and that long cucumber." Deaf grandma answers,"be sure he'll also marry you."
Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives? Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.
Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
How can you get AIDS from a toilet seat? By sitting down before the last guy gets up.
I've accepted every email offer I've ever received. My penis is now 235 feet long.
Q: Why do blondes need to have orgasms? A: So they know when to stop having sex.
Why did the pervert cross the road? Because he was stuck in the chicken.
Q: What do you call the sweat on your balls after having sex with your cousin? A: Relative humidity.