The best sex jokes

There were two security guards who worked on opposite shifts, but looked after the same building. Over a period of a year, the night shift security guard noticed that his opposite was putting on weight. So one evening at shift change, the night shift security guard says to the day shift security guard "Hey buddy, you aint half gettin fat". To which the day shift guard replies "Yeah, that's because every time I shag your wife she gives me a chocolate biscuit".
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has 59.79 % from 94 votes. More jokes about: chocolate, fat, sex, wife, work
Q: How do you know a blonde just lost her virginity? A: The crayons are still sticky.
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has 59.75 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: blonde, dirty, disgusting, sex
Husband: "Shall we try a different position tonight?" Wife: "That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."
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has 59.71 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: communication, fart, marriage, mean, sex
Tow millipedes went for honey moon. The male one asked: "My darling, between which feet is your pussy, please?"
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has 59.68 % from 102 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, love, sex, wedding
Harry is very quick with the ladies, before they can tell him they’re not that sort of girl, it’s usually too late.
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has 59.63 % from 140 votes. More jokes about: sex
Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
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has 59.61 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, flirt, game, sex
As is tradition in Italian families, Marol spends her wedding night in her family home. Her mother sleeps in the adjacent room in case Marol has any questions. Mama tells Marol, "You have any a problem, you come and see Mama." Later, Marol's husband unbuttons his shirt, and Marol jumps up, runs next door and cries, "Mama, Mama! He has hair all over his chest!" Mama reassures Marol, "Men have hair on the chest. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy." But when Marol's husband takes off his belt, she goes jumps up again, runs next door and cries, "Mama, Mama! He has a protrusion in his pants!" Mama reassures her, "He finds you beautiful. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy." Finally, Marol's husband takes off his shoes. Due to a terrible childhood accident, he only has half of his right foot. Marol jumps up and runs back to her mother's room, shouting, "Mama, Mama! He has a foot and a half!" Her mother gets up and announces, "Stand back, Marol this is a job for Mama!"
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has 59.44 % from 142 votes. More jokes about: family, marriage, sex, wedding
I'm an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
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has 59.41 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, sex, work
Two friends who had not seen each other for awhile met at a bar. "Hey, your wife just had a birthday recently, didn't she? Did you get her anything special?" "Yeah, I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo." "A pair of slippers and a dildo?" "Yeah, I said 'If you don't like the slippers, you can go fuck yourself.' "
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has 59.41 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: bar, birthday, dirty, friendship, sex
Two men are having a drink together. One says, ‘I had sex with my wife before we were married. What about you?’ ‘I don’t know,’ says the other. ‘What was her maiden name?’
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has 59.35 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: sex
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