The best sex jokes

Let me insert my plug into your socket and we can generate some electricity.
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has 59.17 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, sex
An alien walks into a bar and sits next to a drunk guy and begins poking him in the shoulder. The drunk guy just ignores him. After a wile the guy turns to the alien and begins looking him up and down. He notices that the alien has no genitalia. He then asks "You guys have no genitalia, how do you guy have sex?" The alien, still poking him in the arm, just smiles!
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has 59.05 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, drunk, sex
Holy mother, full of grace Bless my boyfriend's gorgeous face Bless his hair that tends to curl Keep him safe from all the girls Bless his arms that are so strong Keep his hands where they belong Bless his dick, the one i sucked Bless the bed, in which we fucked And if my Mom happened to walk in Bless the shit I'd be in.
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has 58.94 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: poems, sex, vulgar
An elderly gentleman went to see his doctor and asked for a prescription of Viagra. The doctor said, “That’s no problem. How many do you want?” The man answered, “Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces.” The doctor said, “That won’t do you any good.” The elderly gentleman said, “That’s all right. I don’t need them for sex anymore as I am over 90 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don’t pee on my shoes.”
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has 58.87 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, old people, sex, viagra
Smoke a smoke Not a butt Fuck a virgin Not a slut.
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has 58.78 % from 129 votes. More jokes about: poems, sex, vulgar, weed
I've accepted every email offer I've ever received. My penis is now 235 feet long.
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has 58.69 % from 94 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, sex
If your right leg was Halloween and the other one was Christmas I would have come visit you between the holidays.
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has 58.60 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, dirty, flirt, Halloween, sex
A husband feeling a bit horny goes to the bathroom and returns with 4 aspirin and a glass of water for his wife. He says, "Here honey, here are some aspirin and a some water." She replied, "but honey I do not have a headache!" He replied, "Thank God!"
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has 58.60 % from 199 votes. More jokes about: sex
Two old women were talking about their sex lives. Ethel was upset because her sex life had really died, while Mildred said her sex life was great. Mildred counseled Ethel, "When my Sammy is getting ready for bed, I get undressed, lie on the bed, and put both legs behind my head. When he sees me like that, he gets so excited, we have wild sex the rest of the night." Ethel said, "I'm going to try that tonight." While Ethel's husband Harold was in the bathroom that night, she took off all her clothes. She struggled to get both legs behind her head. After accomplishing this great feat, Ethel fell backwards and couldn't move. Harold came out of the bathroom with a shocked look on his face. "For God's sake Ethel, comb your hair and put your teeth in. You look like an a**hole."
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has 58.56 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: death, marriage, sex, women
How can you get AIDS from a toilet seat? By sitting down before the last guy gets up.
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has 58.55 % from 99 votes. More jokes about: sex
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