The best sex jokes

Two Italian virgins marry and go on their honeymoon. Unfortunately, neither knows what to do when they get there. The newlyweds call the groom's mother for advice. The mother says that they should sit on the bed together, snuggle, and things should happen from there. The newlyweds do this, but nothing happens. The groom calls his mother back. She says they should take their clothes off, get under the covers, and nature should take its course. The bride and groom take his mother's advice, but still nothing comes to mind. He calls his mother a third time. Getting frustrated with the situation, she says, "Listen, just take the biggest thing you have and stick it in her hairiest spot!" The groom is quiet for a moment and then asks his mother, "I've got my nose in her armpit, now what?"
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has 58.67 % from 118 votes. More jokes about: marriage, sex
How can you get AIDS from a toilet seat? By sitting down before the last guy gets up.
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has 58.55 % from 99 votes. More jokes about: sex
Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
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has 58.47 % from 219 votes. More jokes about: sex
Once while having s*x in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and ran into the engine. We now know this truck....as Optimus Prime.
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has 58.46 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, sex
A husband feeling a bit horny goes to the bathroom and returns with 4 aspirin and a glass of water for his wife. He says, "Here honey, here are some aspirin and a some water." She replied, "but honey I do not have a headache!" He replied, "Thank God!"
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has 58.40 % from 198 votes. More jokes about: sex
The fingers of my girlfriend were in my pants; I asked her "Is it thick?" She said "yes dear." Again I asked: "Is it warm?" She replied: "yes honey." Then I asked: "Is it soft?" She said, "yes of course." "It is my shit!" I told her.
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has 58.27 % from 156 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, disgusting, relationship, sex
Why are guys like microwavable meals? They’re both done in 30 seconds.
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has 58.18 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: sex
Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
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has 58.18 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: beauty, dirty, flirt, sex, time
Once a blonde wanted to go to her boyfriend's home. Her mom advised her: "My sweet whenever your boy friend wanted to touch your pants tell him there is a hot oven so your hand will burn." Next day her mom asked her daughter: "Had you a good day?" The blonde answered: "It was the best day in my life because when my boyfriend touched my pants I told him: 'There is a hot oven and your hand would damage!' But he urged me that I've one hot dog and I wanna to cook it for several times he put his hot dog in my pants and then he put it in my mouth for confident whether it has been cooked or not."
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has 58.18 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: blonde, dirty, relationship, sex, stupid
In an elementary school, the teacher gives school work to the class. Everybody writes except little John. The teacher asks him: John, why aren’t you writing? I’m exhausted because of sex. That should not be a problem, write with your left hand.
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has 58.01 % from 155 votes. More jokes about: sex
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