Do you like maths? If so add a bed subtract your clothes divide your legs and we can multiply!
Why did the pervert cross the road? Because he was stuck in the chicken.
Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you? A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.
Are you a candle? Because I want to blow you.
Husband: "Shall we try a different position tonight?" Wife: "That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."
A woman goes into a noisy launderette and asks the assistant to do a service wash. ‘What?!’ shouts the assistant. ‘Come again?!’ ‘No!’ shouts back the woman. ‘This time it’s mustard!’
Man to a woman: "Do you know the difference between a blowjob and a cheeseburger is?" Woman: "No." Man: "Lets have lunch sometime…"
Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.
My 1st time having sex. I suddenly stopped and didn't move. She: "What are you doing?" Me: "I've seen this on YouPorn, it's called Buffering.
Why are guys like microwavable meals? They’re both done in 30 seconds.