The best sex jokes

A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says: "I can not proceed in this way." And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they dig up the woman.
Vote: has 35.73 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

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Q. What do you call two lesbians with their period? A. Finger painting.
Vote: has 35.72 % from 91 votes. Send joke:

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What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman? A baby with a black eye!
Vote: has 35.66 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, black humor, sex, women
A woman is divorcing her husband on the grounds of cruelty. His organ is so large it hurts her to have sex. After she has explained her problem to a lawyer, he tells her that he’ll file her petition. ‘Stuff that!’ says the woman. ‘Why can’t you go round and sandpaper his down a bit.’
Vote: has 35.51 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

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What did the Irish spinster keep saying in her prayers? ‘Good Lord, please have Murphy on me…’
Vote: has 35.32 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

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How do you know when your sister is on her period? Your dad's dick tastes like blood.
Vote: has 35.28 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

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Why can’t gypsies have babies? Because their husbands have crystal balls.
Vote: has 35.12 % from 40 votes. Send joke:

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Q. What do gay kids get for Christmas? A. Erection Sets.
Vote: has 34.91 % from 60 votes. Send joke:

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Two old soldiers, Fred and Harry, are sitting in their club. Harry turns to Fred and says, ‘When was the last time you made love to a woman?’ Fred thinks for a moment then says, ‘1947.’ ‘Good heavens,’ says Harry. ‘That’s a very long time ago.’ ‘Not reall
Vote: has 34.74 % from 96 votes. Send joke:

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My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick. No wonder her dad did not want her to move out.
Vote: has 34.70 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, dad, sex