How can you tell if a blonde is having a bad day? Her tampon is behind her ear and she can’t find her pencil.
How does a girl from Harlem practice safe sex? She locks the car doors.
The fingers of my girlfriend were in my pants; I asked her "Is it thick?" She said "yes dear." Again I asked: "Is it warm?" She replied: "yes honey." Then I asked: "Is it soft?" She said, "yes of course." "It is my shit!" I told her.
Q: The male sex has two hobbies. What are they? A: His left hand and his right hand.
It’s the morning after the honeymoon. The wife says, ‘You know, you’re a really lousy lover.’ The husband replies, ‘How can you possible tell that after only 30 seconds.’
Roses are red violets are blue. My dick has glue I offer it to you.
‘Doctor, I suffer from premature ejaculation. Can you help me?!’ ‘No, but I can introduce you to a woman with a short attention span!’
Yo Mama's so ugly, I can f**k her in any position and it'll still be doggie-style.
When Viagra first came out my wife and I decided to give it a go to see what all the fuss was about. I popped the pill and waited the 15 minutes and then it was on for young and old. We timed the performance to the minute and it all finally subsided at 3 hours and 17 minutes. I asked the missus what she thought and she simply stated that she couldn't understand what all the hype was about for an extra 17 minutes...
A guy went to a supermarket and began to smoke. Miss salesman: "Sir don't smoke here." Guy: "I've just bought the cigarettes from here." Miss salesman: "We sell condoms too; so that is not why you fuck me here."