The best sex jokes

In bed my girlfriend used to mentally dress me.
Vote: has 38.74 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

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‘He had ambitions at one time to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.’ Les Dawson
Vote: has 38.55 % from 57 votes. Send joke:

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Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A: Ask your mom.
Vote: has 38.24 % from 109 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, sex, ugly
A honeymoon couple go into a hotel and ask for a suite. ‘Bridal?’ asks the desk clerk. ‘No thanks,’ replies the bride, ‘I’ll just hang onto his shoulders.’
Vote: has 38.12 % from 53 votes. Send joke:

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How do you know when your sister is on her period? Your dad's dick tastes like blood.
Vote: has 37.92 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, disgusting, sex
Ted and Julie go to bed with each other for the first time. Julie: "I should warn you, Ted -- I've got acute angina." Ted: "Your breasts aren't bad either."
Vote: has 37.83 % from 58 votes. Send joke:

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A guy walks into a drug store and asks for a packet of condoms. The pharmacist says, ‘That’ll be £5.00 with the tax.’ ‘Tacks?’, the guy exclaims. ‘I thought you rolled them on!’
Vote: has 37.73 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

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Why did the Irishman wear two condoms? To be sure, to be sure.
Vote: has 37.08 % from 45 votes. Send joke:

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What did the Irish spinster keep saying in her prayers? ‘Good Lord, please have Murphy on me…’
Vote: has 36.82 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

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A woman is divorcing her husband on the grounds of cruelty. His organ is so large it hurts her to have sex. After she has explained her problem to a lawyer, he tells her that he’ll file her petition. ‘Stuff that!’ says the woman. ‘Why can’t you go round and sandpaper his down a bit.’
Vote: has 36.78 % from 43 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex