The best sex jokes

How can you tell if a blonde is having a bad day? Her tampon is behind her ear and she can’t find her pencil.
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has 55.39 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: sex
Roses are red violets are blue. My dick has glue I offer it to you.
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has 55.38 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, poems, sex
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes." The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes-that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!" The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to." The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine." So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, I'd like a mild heart attack."
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has 55.36 % from 383 votes. More jokes about: animal, golf, husband, money, sex
How does a girl from Harlem practice safe sex? She locks the car doors.
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has 55.29 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: car, racist, sex
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
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has 55.25 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dad, sex, time
Yo Mama's so ugly, I can f**k her in any position and it'll still be doggie-style.
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has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: insulting, sex, ugly, Yo mama
A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day, the wife asked her husband, "Honey, one of the bathroom pipes is leaking. Could you fix it?" The husband looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like Mr. Plumber?" A few days went by, and his wife asked for a favor. "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" "What do I look like Mr. Goodwrench?" A couple weeks later, the wife found a leak in the roof. "Honey, there's a leak on the roof. Can you please fix it?" "What do I look like Bob Vila?" He sat down with a beer and watched a game on TV. One rainy weekend, the husband realized the leak on the roof was gone. He went to the bathroom and found that the pipe behind the sink wasn't leaking anymore either. When his wife returned home, the husband asked, "Honey, how come there aren't any more leaks and the car's running?" She replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the other day I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything. "Wow, did he charge us anything?" "No, he said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sex with him." "Cool. What kind of cake did you make?" "Cake? What the hell do I look like Betty Crocker?"
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has 54.81 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: food, husband, marriage, sex, work
Are you a candle? Because I want to blow you.
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has 54.77 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, sex
There is nothing wrong with sex on TV – as long as you don’t fall off.
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has 54.44 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: sex
My girlfriend always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.
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has 54.44 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: sex
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