A Chinese man came home after a late night of drinking, and crawls in bed next to his sleeping wife.
After lying awake for a few minutes, he wakes up his wife and says "Hey honey, wanna do a sixty-nine?"
"Well, you've got a lot of nerve! First you come home late, you're drunk, and now you expect me to go to the kitchin and fix you Mongolian beef with snow-peas!"
Viagra is like Disneyland; a one hour wait for a 2-minute ride.
Your beauty is why God invented eyeballs, but your booty is why God invented my balls!
She’s like train tracks – she’s been laid across the country.
‘Doctor, I suffer from premature ejaculation.
Can you help me?!’
‘No, but I can introduce you to a woman with a short attention span!’
Q: Whats the definition of vagina?
A: The box a penis comes in.
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
When his hand caught fire.
There are an older brother and a younger sister.
The sister went to the bathroom while the brother was in the bathroom.
The sister asks the brother if she could play with his dick and he says yeah.
A few weeks later there was a big storm and the sister goes to the brother's room and asked the brother if she could play with Mr.Cuddles he says no.
Then the sister said that she would tell on him so a little pissed of he says yes.
After a while, the parents hear a scream.
They rush to the brother's room and asks the sister what happened she said "Mr.Cuddles spat on me so I bit his head off."
Would you take a bullet for the last person you had sex with?
Anything for the family.
Q: Why do blondes need to have orgasms?
A: So they know when to stop having sex.