The best sport jokes

Q: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A: A bad golfer goes *Whack!* "Darn!", but a bad skydiver goes "Darn!" *WHACK!*
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has 62.13 % from 112 votes. More jokes about: golf, sport
Police arrested Joe Bloggs, a 27-year old white male and resident of Wimbledon UK, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38pm Friday. Bloggs will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the County courthouse on Monday. The suspect allegedly stated that after a night of drinking, as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview from the County courthouse jail. Bloggs went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, poked a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need." "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Bloggs apparently failed to notice the Wimbledon Municipal police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until Officer B.T. approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure." said Officer BT. "I walked up to (Bloggs) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin". BT went on to describe what happened when she approached Bloggs: "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me, sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He got real surprised as you'd expect and then looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight already?'"
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has 61.92 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: age, cop, dirty, sport, time
Son: "What's love juice daddy?" Me: "It's what 2 people make when they're having exciting sex. Anyway? What are you watching?" Son: "Wimbledon."
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has 61.59 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: dad, love, sex, sport
A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. "It`s for my husband," she tells the clerk. "Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk. "Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn`t even know that I`m going to shoot him!"
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has 61.43 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: sport
PE Teacher: "Why did you kick that ball straight at the school computer?" Pupil: "You told me to put it on the Net."
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has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: computer, internet, sport, student, teacher
An optimist sees the best in the world, while a pessimist sees only the worst. An optimist finds the positive in the negative, and a pessimist can only find the negative in the positive. For example, an avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it. The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word. On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?" "I sure did," responded the pessimist. "Your dog can't swim!"
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has 61.01 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: sport
Did you hear the NFL is changing the color off the football to green? Yeah, you ever hear of a black person droping a watermelon?
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has 60.99 % from 148 votes. More jokes about: black people, racist, soccer, sport
Q: What's the difference between basketball and sex? A: In basketball you dribble before you shoot!
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has 60.66 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex, sport
Chuck Norris can dunk a basketball using his feet.
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has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, sport
Q: Why can't orphans play baseball? A: They don't know where home is.
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has 60.28 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: black humor, kids, sport
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