Dad shouts: "Stop watching porn, I can hear it in my room!"
Son: "Dad.. I'm not watching porn, that is Maria Sharapova playing Tennis!"
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."
The water in Rio is so bad that even Usain Bolt had the "runs" in his last race!
Sarah was reading a newspaper while her husband was engrossed in a magazine.
Suddenly, she burst out laughing. "Listen to this," she said.
"There's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium."
"Hmmm," her husband said, not looking up from his magazine.
Teasing him, Sarah said, "Would you swap me for a season ticket?"
"Absolutely not," he said.
"How sweet," Sarah said.
"Tell me why not."
"Season's more than half over", he said.
Chuck Norris once went sky diving, he did not use a parachute.
The spot he landed on is now known as the Grand Canyon.
Vote:
The racehorse owner was annoyed with the running of his horse at the race.
He turned on the jockey.
"Flaherty, could you not have raced faster?"
"Sure I could have, but you know we are supposed to stay on the horse."
Chuck Norris got a homerun in bowling.
Vote:
Q: What do gay guys have in common with bungee jumpers?
A: If the rubber breaks, they're in deep shit!
Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in London.
The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus.
The Blonde team rides on the top level.
The Brunette team down below is living it up having a great time, when one of them realises she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs.
She decides to go up and investigate.
When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.
She says, "What the heck's going on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!"
One of the Blondes looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"
Q: Why is horse racing so romantic?
A: Because the horse hugs the rails, the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye.