I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with her fitness trainer.
Me: "Okay, this isn't working out."
Chuck Norris won gold for sitting in the crowd at the olympics.
Vote:
Two women were playing golf.
One teed off and watched with horror as her ball headed directly towards a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of them and he immediately fell to the ground clutching his hands together in his groin, and rolled around in obvious agony.
The woman rushed over and immediately began to apologize "Please allow me to help, I'm a physiotherapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'll allow me" she told him."
"Oh no I'll be all right, I'll be fine in a few minutes" the man replied, still lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin.
Following her persistence however, he finally allowed her to help.
She gently took his hands away and laid them at his sides, she loosened his trousers and put her hand inside.
She administered tender and skillful massage for several long moments and then asked "How does that feel?"
He replied "It feels fabulous, but my thumb still hurts like hell."
Q: What do you call 2 nuns and a Prostitute on a football field?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
Police have found the body of a man in the Thames wearing a Chelsea shirt, womens underwear, fishnet stockings, suspenders and with an extra large dildo stuck up his arse.
They have removed the Chelsea shirt to save the family any embarrassment ...
Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
A: The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
The racehorse owner was annoyed with the running of his horse at the race.
He turned on the jockey.
"Flaherty, could you not have raced faster?"
"Sure I could have, but you know we are supposed to stay on the horse."
Yo mama so fat when she was swimming in the ocean the indians claimed her as the new land.
Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!
Yo Mama so fat when Flash tried to run around her he died before he got half way.