The best sport jokes

Paddy asks Murphy, 'Why do scuba divers fall off their boats backwards?" Murphy replies, "If they fell forwards they'd still be on the f*cking boat!"
Vote: has 70.18 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sport
A couple of years ago the english national team was about to start training in preparation for an important qualifying match when the manager at the time, Sven-Goran Eriksson, discovered a big turd in one of the penalty areas on the practice pitch. Ok boys, he said, who's shit on the ground? Emile Heskey replied: "Me coach, but I'm good in the air!"
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: soccer, sport
The water in Rio is so bad that even Usain Bolt had the "runs" in his last race!
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More jokes about: sport
Your mama so fat, that she can use herself as a bowling ball and get 10 strikes in all of the lanes!
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, sport, Yo mama
There are three men on a desert island: Genius, Smart, and Idiot. Genius has concluded that at least one man must swim to shore and get help. Genius volunteered himself, as he is the most likely to get remember to get help. Genius, not being very athletic, swam halfway to safety and then drowned. Days later, Smart finally realized Genius drowned. Smart then decided it was his turn to swim and get help. Idiot agreed because he didn't know what was happening. Smart, not being very athletic, swam three quarte rs of the way to safety and drowned. Days later, Idiot decided it must his turn to swim. He also did not know what his goal was. Idiot, not having very much intelligence, swam halfway to safety, felt tired, so he swam back to the island he was stranded on.
Vote: has 69.96 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: desert island, memory, sport, stupid, time
What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from Grandma have in common? You don't look down.
Vote: has 69.88 % from 47 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, dirty, old people, sport
Chuck Norris has won tennis match against a wall.
Vote: has 69.55 % from 70 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, sport
Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm. His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached. The next day he goes to see his chum, and finds him playing tennis. "Incredible!," says his friend. "Medical science is amazing." Another month goes by and the same two guys are again at the sawmill working when the same guy gets too close to the spinning blade and this time his leg gets cut off. Again his buddy takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag and takes it to the hospital to get re-attached. The next day, he goes down to see his chum and finds him outside playing football. "Incredible!," says his friend. "Medical science is amazing!" Well another month goes by and again the same two friends are at the mill cutting wood when suddenly the same guy bends down too close to the blade and off comes his head. Well his friend takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag, and heads to the hospital to get it re-attached. The next day he goes to see his friend but can't find him. He sees the doctor walking down the hall and says, "Doc, where is my friend? I brought him in yesterday." The doctor thinks for a minute and says, "Oh yeah, some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."
Vote: has 69.19 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, football, hospital, sport, work
Julia began her job in a secondary school as a counselor and she was keen to help the pupils. One day during break-time she noticed a girl standing all by herself on one side of the playing field while the rest of the children were enjoying a game of soccer at the other end of the field. Julia approached and asked if she was all right. The girl said that she was. Some time later, however, Julia noticed that the girl was in exactly the same spot, still by herself. Going up to her again, she enquired, 'Would you like me to be your friend?' The girl hesitated, then said, 'Alright,' while looking at Julia with some suspicion. Feeling she was making progress, Julia then asked, 'Why are you standing here all alone?' 'Because,' the girl said with a large sigh, 'I'm the goalie!'
Vote: has 69.05 % from 210 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: school, sport, work
What's a mexicans' favorite sport? Cross country.
Vote: has 68.91 % from 237 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist, sport