Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child,"No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
Q: How do you know you've got a good tax accountant? A: He's had a loophole named after him.
Q: What's the difference between death and taxes? A: Congress doesn't meet every year to make death worse.
Where do homeless accountants live? In a tax shelter.
A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whisky. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise."
Q: How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman? AA By his net income.
The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.
How do you know you have a great CPA? He has a tax loophole named after him.
Did you hear about the cannibal Tax Accountant? She charges an arm and a leg.