Q: Who makes the best detective - Sherlock Holmes or a tax accountant? A: The tax accountant - she make's more deductions.
Two junior doctors were involved in a fight in the hospital. A senior consultant had to pull them apart. "What's all this about?" asked the consultant angrily. "It's the Tax Inspector in C ward," said one. "He's only got 2 days to live." "He had to be told." said the second doctor. "I know," said the first, "but I wanted to be the one to tell him!"
How do you know you have a great CPA? He has a tax loophole named after him.
A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whisky. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise."
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
Q: How do tax accountants make a bold fashion statement? A: Wear their dark grey socks instead of the light grey.
Q: What is the definition of an extroverted tax accountant? A: Someone who stares at YOUR shoes when talking to you.
Q: What is Father Christmas's tax status? A: Elf-employed.
Q: How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman? AA By his net income.
How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.