A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night. All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber ignored it, and takes the TV. Again, the parrot cries out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber started to get a little worried. "What's your name, birdie?" "Moses." "What dumbass named you Moses?" "The same dumbass who called his rottweiler Jesus."
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
There's a technical term for a sunny, warm day which follows two rainy days. It's called Monday.
Warning! User Error. Kindly replace user and press a key to continue.
Chuck Norris invented 1080p so people could see his beard is made of razor wire.
Chuck Norris is the only one who doesn't have to tell PayPal to switch the funding source to his credit card.
How many Microsoft programmers does it take to start the November 5th bonfire? Zero Microsoft declares darkness to be a new standard.
Q: What do birds give out on Halloween? A: Tweets!
A man works in the operations department of a large bank. Employees call him from the field when they have problems with their computers. One night a blonde woman from a branch bank called him and said, "I've got smoke coming from the back of my computer terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
Q: How did the blonde kill her toy poodle? A: Trying to put batteries in it.