A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night. All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber ignored it, and takes the TV. Again, the parrot cries out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber started to get a little worried. "What's your name, birdie?" "Moses." "What dumbass named you Moses?" "The same dumbass who called his rottweiler Jesus."
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
My New Years resolution is 1080p.
There's a technical term for a sunny, warm day which follows two rainy days. It's called Monday.
E-mail returned to sender, insufficient voltage.
Yo mama so stupid that when you told her the mouse on her computer was broken she took it to the vet.
Chuck Norris invented 1080p so people could see his beard is made of razor wire.
Q: How did the blonde kill her toy poodle? A: Trying to put batteries in it.
How many Microsoft programmers does it take to start the November 5th bonfire? Zero Microsoft declares darkness to be a new standard.
Q: What do birds give out on Halloween? A: Tweets!