I used to play tennis, baseball, basketball and chess, but I stopped after my son broke my playstation.
Vote:
90% of programmer errors come from data from other programmers.
Yo mama is so old that when she walked out of a museum the alarm went off.
Vote:
If Chuck Norris movies were in 3D, the audience would be dead.
Vote:
I provide technical support for the computer software published by my company.
One day, over the phone, I was helping a customer install a product on a Macintosh.
The procedure required him to delete an old file.
On the Mac, there is an icon of a trash can that is used to collect items to be permanently deleted.
I told the customer to click on the old file and drag it to the trash.
Then I had him perform a few other steps. As a reminder, I said, "Don't forget to empty the trash."
Obediently he replied, "Yes, dear."
Vote:
Joke has 73.02 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: communication, customer service, IT, marriage, technology
A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night.
All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out.
"Jesus is gonna get you."
The robber ignored it, and takes the TV.
Again, the parrot cries out.
"Jesus is gonna get you."
The robber started to get a little worried.
"What's your name, birdie?"
"Moses."
"What dumbass named you Moses?"
"The same dumbass who called his rottweiler Jesus."
Vote:
Yo mama is so stupid, she was looking for bluetooth at the orthodontist.
Vote:
My girlfriend has incredible sexual skills.
I almost had a heart attack when I saw the video!
Vote:
Three men are sitting naked in the sauna.
Suddenly there is a beeping sound.
The first man presses his forearm and the beeping stops.
The others look at him questioningly.
"That's my pager," he says.
"I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a phone rings.
The second man lifts his palm to his ear.
When he finishes he explains, "That's my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The third man, feeling decidedly low-tech, steps out of the sauna.
In a few minutes he returns with a piece of toilet paper extending from his rear.
The others raise their eyebrows.
"I'm getting a fax," he explains.
Vote:
Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends' food looked like.
Vote: