Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None, they just declare darkness the standard!
Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
I used to play tennis, baseball, basketball and chess, but I stopped after my son broke my playstation.
My grandfather once told me "your generation is too reliant on technology." So I replied "no, your generation is too reliant on technology!" Then I disconnected his life support.
Q: How many Apple Iphone 6 early adopters does it take to change a light bulb? A: 3001. 1 to do the work and 3000 to go online and bitch about the lack of obscure features!
"Siri, why am I still single?" Siri activates front camera.
"And so, God came forth and proclaimed widescreen is the best" Sony 16:9
Your momma so ugly her face is used as an x ray in mortal kombat X.
I just saw a mexjcan guy walking down the street with a tv and I thought " wow, that looks just like mine." But I knew mine was at home shining my shoes.
"Backspace key"... hiding feelings since ages.