Q: How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb? A: We can see no need for uninstallation and have therefore made no provision for light bulbs to be removed.
90% of programmer errors come from data from other programmers.
Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends' food looked like.
"Have you got the address of the butter website?" "Yes, but don't spread it around."
Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine, one is four. The nine year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out. The cashier asks "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?" The nine year old replies "Nope, not for my mom." Without thinking, the cashier responded "Well, they must be for your sister then?" The nine year old quipped, "Nope, not for my sister either." The cashier had now become curious "Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister, who are they for?" The nine year old says "They’re for my four year old little brother." The cashier is surprised "Your four year old little brother?" The nine year old explains: "Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these you can swim or ride a bike and my little brother can’t do either of them!"
Yo mama so stupid that when she turned on airplane mode... She thought she could fly.
Q: What has a key but no lock and has space but no room? A: A computer?
Q: What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet? A: Lost.
Q: What do birds give out on Halloween? A: Tweets!
It was reported this week that Google would soon launch its own cellphone as a challenge to the iPhone. Also a challenge to the iPhone? Making phone calls.