Chuck Norris can make music in Adobe Photoshop.
Yo mama is so stupid, she was looking for bluetooth at the orthodontist.
Chuck Norris can send an e-mail with a pencil.
Here is an actual list of aircraft problems reported by pilots at the end of the day for the mechanics to fix before takeoff the next day followed by the notes the mechanics left for the pilots to read the next morning. (P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement (S) Almost replaced left inside main tire (P) Something loose in cockpit (S) Something tightened in cockpit (P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear (S) Evidence removed (P) DME volume unbelievably loud (S) Volume set to more believable level (P) Number three engine missing (S) Engine found on right wing after brief search
Q: How much does a hipster weigh? A: An instagram
My New Years resolution is 1080p.
Q: How do you electrocute a blonde? A: Tell her to demonstrate the proper usage of an electric chair.
Q: Why do Java programmers have to wear glasses? A: Because they don't C#.
Q: What do birds give out on Halloween? A: Tweets!
With just two toothpicks, a lightbulb, and his RoundHouse Kick, Chuck Norris can override the Pentagon's computer system.