I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my first child.
90% of programmer errors come from data from other programmers.
Phones are getting thinner and smarter. People, not so much.
Your Momma is so fat, she takes her picture with Google Earth.
"Have you got the address of the butter website?" "Yes, but don't spread it around."
You know, I have Google+, Facebook, Twitter, Skype accounts... Man, and do you have life? OMG, No! Could you send me a link?
Q: What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet? A: Lost.
I used to play tennis, baseball, basketball and chess, but I stopped after my son broke my playstation.
Q: Why do Java programmers have to wear glasses? A: Because they don't C#.
My iPhone fell from the 20th floor. Good thing it was in airplane mode.