Chuck Norris doesn't need to change the past.
He has never made any mistakes.
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I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits.
He said, "How flexible are you?"
I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."
Sometimes when Chuck Norris stares at the stars too long they get scared.
These are known as black holes.
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If I've invested precious time and energy in a relationship, and I've been honest and open, hanging and coping, true blue, a good screw, to some fly guy who's out constantly getting high, then I'm dumped suicide is not one of my thoughts.
I'm thinking maybe homicide.
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In 1986 the U.S.S.R. attempted to clone Chuck Norris.
The scientists failure was covered up and we now know their attempt as the Chernobyl disaster.
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The world ends on December 21st, 2012.
Only because that's when Chuck Norris masters the Falco Punch.
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Yo' Mama is so stupid, when her boss told her to take her ugly ass home, she came back 10 minutes later without her ass.
Yo Mama's so stupid because it too her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
Five men and one woman wash up on a desert island after a shipwreck.
Before long they are all getting pretty horny so they all make a deal.
Each man will marry the woman for one week at a time, at which point the next man in line will marry her and so on.
All the men get sex every five weeks and the woman gets sex as often as she wants with a different man each week.
The situation works wonderfully for five years.
When the woman suddenly dies...
The first week after wasn't too bad.
The second week was geting sort of bad.
The third week was getting pretty bad.
The fourth week was really bad.
The fifth week was horrible!
By the sixth week it was unbearable... so they buried her.
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What does a nigger do after sex?
25 years to life.