If I've invested precious time and energy in a relationship, and I've been honest and open, hanging and coping, true blue, a good screw, to some fly guy who's out constantly getting high, then I'm dumped suicide is not one of my thoughts.
I'm thinking maybe homicide.
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Q: What's the difference between killing time and killing niggers?
A: You can only kill so much time.
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Why does a man like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.
A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him there's a strict policy about having snails in the bar and so kicks him out.
A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman "What did you do that for?"
Yo momma's so fat; she's in two time zones at the same time!
Chuck Norris doesn't need to change the past.
He has never made any mistakes.
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A hippie walks on a bus and sees a nun.
Being the straight forward kind of guy he is, he says "Hey baby, want to have sex?"
The nun says "God no!" so she gets off the bus angry.
When the hippie is about to get off the bus, the bus driver asks him "Hey man.
you see that graveyard across the street?" The hippie go's "yeah I see it, what about it?"
"well every Tuesday night at 8:30. the nun go's to the top of the hill to pray.
If you dress up as a ghost, and tell her to have sex with you, she'll have too"
The hippie replied "sweet!" So Tuesday night comes and the hippie has a ghost costume, 8:30 comes and here comes the nun.
The hippie pops out and says
"I am the ghost of a man buried here, and I command you to have sex with me!"
The nun go's "Well... ok, but I have a virgins aspect so it has to be oral"
So the nun and the hippie have oral sex and the hippie runs away and says "Ha, ha I was actually the hippie" and the nun said "Ha, ha I'm actually the bus driver!"
Yo momma's so old she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said Lil Mary will never amount to anything.
They were married, but since the argument they had a few days earlier, they hadn't been talking to each other.
Instead, they were giving each other written notes.
One evening he gave her a paper where it said:
"Wake me up tomorrow morning at 6 am."
The next morning he woke up and saw that it was 9 o'clock.
Naturally he got very angry, but as he turned around he found a note on his pillow saying:
"Wake up, it's 6 o'clock!"
In 1986 the U.S.S.R. attempted to clone Chuck Norris.
The scientists failure was covered up and we now know their attempt as the Chernobyl disaster.
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