Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A: After 10 years the job still sucks.
Vote:
Johny met his classmate from high school after ten years who was still very beautiful.
As he met her, he told her only: "Hi Ann, I am pleased to see you again after so many years."
Ann took a look at his pants and said: "I know that you´re pleased."
Q: Why do Retirees smile all the time?
A: Because they can't hear a word you're saying!
Vote:
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution.
"You don't want to try these techniques at home."
"Why not?" asked somebody from the audience.
"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained.
"She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time.
One day I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"
"Did it save time?" the person in the audience asked.
"Actually, yes," replied the expert.
"It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."
How can you tell if a porno was made in the 70's?
The guys' schlongs have sideburns!
Vote:
Three old men were sitting on a porch.
"I wish I could take a healthy piss," said one.
"I wish I could take a healthy crap," said another.
"I can take a crap at 6 AM and a piss at 11 AM. I just wish I could get up before noon."
Vote:
Did you hear about the dentist who planted a garden?
A month later he was picking his teeth.
Chuck Norris graduated college in one hour.
Vote:
No time for gym?
Please tell me how you watch 3 hours of TV every night.
The November 5th Gunpowder Plot has been described as the 9/11 of its day.
Staged by the government to discredit an entire religion.