The best time jokes

Chuck Norris once raced light. He is still waiting for it to catch up.
has 41.85 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time
15 years ago I started a burping contest with Chuck Norris... who had the longest? I don't know he is still busy.
has 41.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, game, time
Chuck Norris hit you tomorrow, is going to hit you yesterday, and you're now dead.
has 40.53 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, time
Q: What do the mosquito parents say to their small children, when they see people lying on the sandy beach during a hot summer day more than 15 minutes? A: "Kids, prepare the cutlery and your chin-straps. Our lunch is already heated up and ready for the consumption!"
has 40.53 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, kids, time, weather
Years ago Chuck Norris set up a simple little home network and gave it a name. It's called the internet.
has 40.31 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, technology, time
Q: What's the difference between killing time and killing niggers? A: You can only kill so much time.
has 40.28 % from 177 votes. More jokes about: black people, racist, time
A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousn ess or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.
has 39.94 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: blonde, horse, time
A hippie walks on a bus and sees a nun. Being the straight forward kind of guy he is, he says "Hey baby, want to have sex?" The nun says "God no!" so she gets off the bus angry. When the hippie is about to get off the bus, the bus driver asks him "Hey man. you see that graveyard across the street?" The hippie go's "yeah I see it, what about it?" "well every Tuesday night at 8:30. the nun go's to the top of the hill to pray. If you dress up as a ghost, and tell her to have sex with you, she'll have too" The hippie replied "sweet!" So Tuesday night comes and the hippie has a ghost costume, 8:30 comes and here comes the nun. The hippie pops out and says "I am the ghost of a man buried here, and I command you to have sex with me!" The nun go's "Well... ok, but I have a virgins aspect so it has to be oral" So the nun and the hippie have oral sex and the hippie runs away and says "Ha, ha I was actually the hippie" and the nun said "Ha, ha I'm actually the bus driver!"
has 39.89 % from 174 votes. More jokes about: gay, sex, time
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
has 39.64 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: blonde, game, science, time
Chuck Norris can literally kill time.
has 38.99 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, time
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