When Neil Armstrong first landed on the moon he saw aliens worshiping Chuck Norris's footprints.
Yo mama so fat, when she went to a subway she mistook the train for a sandwich and ate it.
"My wife drives like thunder." "So fast?" "No, every minute she strikes a tree."
Why was the racehorse named Bad News? Because bad news travels fast!
Chuck Norris can travel through time by running 88 miles per hour.
Chuck Norris once toboggoned down Mount Everest and then sprinted back up cuz he realized he lost his mitten.
Chuck Norris has travelled many places and seen many faces. So too has his boot.
Q: What travels at 200km's a hour? A: A Mexican hearing a dollar drop to the ground.
Q: Why do liberals travel in threes? A: One to read, one to write and the other one to keep an eye on both intellectuals.
Everyone knows the speed of light... Chuck Norris knows the speed of darkness.