The best ugly jokes

Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that you’ve been telling people that I’m ugly!" "Oh NO! I’ve just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive." "I also heard that you’ve been calling me fat?" "Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are." "I’ve also heard that you’re saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!" "Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"
Vote: has 69.66 % from 97 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, husband, sex, ugly, women
Yo' Mama is so ugly, when she were born, the doctor didn't know which end to slap.
Vote: has 69.39 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. "Och, I look like a pig!" The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"
Vote: has 68.80 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, husband, ugly, vulgar, wife
Your momma so ugly her face is used as an x ray in mortal kombat X.
Vote: has 68.80 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, technology, ugly, Yo mama
Yo Momma so fat and ugly that when she applied to become a movie star she got the part "Godzilla".
Vote: has 68.80 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, fat, ugly, Yo mama
Bertie comes sadly to his mommy and says, "Mom, the kids have been mean to me. They keep teasing me that my feet are too big. Please tell me honestly. Are my feet to big?" "Of course not, Bertie. Now go put your shoes in the garage, the dinner is ready."
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, mean, ugly
Alcohol doesn't make you FAT... it makes you LEAN... against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people!
Vote: has 67.64 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, fat, ugly
I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road. He passed a woman who was walking a young child. "Lady", said the drunk, "that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. Damn, that is one ugly child!." As the drunk wandered off, the lady burst into tears. Just then, a mailman came to her rescue. "What's the matter, madam?" he asked. "I've just been horribly insulted" she sobbed. "There there," said the mailman, reaching into his pocket. "Dry your eyes with this tissue, and here's a banana for the chimp"
Vote: has 66.64 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, animal, food, kids, ugly
Yo mama so ugly that she died of fright when she looked in the mirror.
Vote: has 66.46 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, ugly, Yo mama
Jenna, Jessica and ariana die. They all go to heaven and GOD says, "You can do whatever you want, just don't step on a pink cloud". The first day, Jenna goes out and comes back with a ugly guy. Jessica and Ariana ask, "what happen?". Jenna says, "I stepped on a pink cloud". The next day, Jessica goes out, she comes back with a ugly guy. Jenna and Ariana ask, "what happen?". Jessica says, "I stepped on a pink cloud". The following day Araina goes out and comes back with a HOTT guy, blue eyes, thin and tall. Jenna and jessica ask, "What happen?" The guy says, "I stepped on a pink cloud".
Vote: has 65.48 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, god, heaven, life, ugly