A woman called the Colorado State Division of Wildlife regarding a snake in her backyard. "Can you tell me what kind it is?" she asked. "Can you describe it?" I asked. "Yes," she said. "It's long and thin."
What are the similarities between a new wife and a tornado, there's a lot of suckin and blowin and then u lose ur house.
Yo momma’s so stupid, when I told her it was chilly outside she ran and got a bowl.
McNally was taking his first plane ride, flying over the Rocky Mountains. The stewardess handed him a piece of chewing gum. "It’s to keep your ears from popping at high altitudes," she explains. When the plane landed McNally rushed up to her. "Miss," he said, "I’m meetin’ me wife right away. How do I get the gum out of me ears?" Kelly was standing in front of Cohan’s Tavern when he saw a driverless car rolling slowly down the street. He ran to the car, jumped in, and pulled on the emergency brake with a jerk. Kelly got out and very proudly said to the man approaching him, "I stopped it!" "I know, you idiot!" said the man. "I was pushing it!"
Chuck Norris eats lightning and shits out thunder.
I'm no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.
Men are like.....Weather. Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
Why do blondes like lightning? "They think someone is taking their picture."
Why did the mean teacher walk around with her purse open? She'd read there was going to be some change in the weather.
In what type of weather is the vet the busiest? When its raining cats and dogs.