The best weed jokes

I wish my grades would smoke weed too so we could both get higher.
Vote: has 63.22 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: school, weed
How do you suffocate a nigger? Tell him there's weed inside the pillowcase.
Vote: has 61.25 % from 115 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black people, racist, weed
Yo mama so short when she smokes weed, she cant even get high.
Vote: has 60.54 % from 76 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: insulting, vulgar, weed, Yo mama
Smoke a smoke Not a butt Fuck a virgin Not a slut.
Vote: has 59.05 % from 73 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: poems, sex, vulgar, weed
A little lizard was walking through the forest to see his pal the monkey. The monkey call out hey little buddy come up here I got some great pot. So the little lizard climbed up the tree. The little lizard and the monkey smoked a great big joint. The little lizard said hey this stuff is great but I have horrible cottonmouth. Well there is a river just down there. So the little lizard walk down the tree through the brush and started to drink the water. All of a sudden a crocodile came out of the water. Hey little buddy waz up said the croc, "I just got stoned with my pal the monkey." "Really" said the croc, "where is he I want some." He is through the brush and up the tree. So the croc walked through the brush and to the tree. The monkey said "holy shit how much did you drink little buddy."
Vote: has 58.75 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, animal, weed
Q: If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving? A: The cop!
Vote: has 58.75 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, cop, driving, weed
If you say "alright" in the mirror 3 times Matthew McConaughey will appear and hand you a joint.
Vote: has 56.86 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: celebrity, drug, weed
You can't buy happiness but you can buy weed… and that's pretty close.
Vote: has 55.11 % from 30 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: money, weed
Three kids were smoking behind the shed. "My dad can blow smoke through his nose!" boasted the first. "Ha, mine can blow smoke through this ears!" countered the second boy. "That’s nothing," piped up the third. "My dad can blow smoke through his arse. I know,‘cos I’ve seen the nicotine stains on his undies."
Vote: has 54.15 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, fart, kids, weed
If the sea was weed and i was a duck i'd swim my way down and smoke my way up, but the sea ain't weed and i'm not a duck so pass me the bong and shut the fuck up
Vote: has 52.98 % from 112 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, drug, duck, weed


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