Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common? A: They are both baked chickens.
Q: How can you tell if you have smoked too much weed? A: You can't smoke too much weed.
Smoke a smoke Not a butt Fuck a virgin Not a slut.
Q: How do all stoner stories start? A: This one time when I was high...
A little lizard was walking through the forest to see his pal the monkey. The monkey call out hey little buddy come up here I got some great pot. So the little lizard climbed up the tree. The little lizard and the monkey smoked a great big joint. The little lizard said hey this stuff is great but I have horrible cottonmouth. Well there is a river just down there. So the little lizard walk down the tree through the brush and started to drink the water. All of a sudden a crocodile came out of the water. Hey little buddy waz up said the croc, "I just got stoned with my pal the monkey." "Really" said the croc, "where is he I want some." He is through the brush and up the tree. So the croc walked through the brush and to the tree. The monkey said "holy shit how much did you drink little buddy."
How do you suffocate a nigger? Tell him there's weed inside the pillowcase.
If the sea was weed and i was a duck i'd swim my way down and smoke my way up, but the sea ain't weed and i'm not a duck so pass me the bong and shut the fuck up
Three kids were smoking behind the shed. "My dad can blow smoke through his nose!" boasted the first. "Ha, mine can blow smoke through this ears!" countered the second boy. "That’s nothing," piped up the third. "My dad can blow smoke through his arse. I know,‘cos I’ve seen the nicotine stains on his undies."
You can't buy happiness but you can buy weed… and that's pretty close.
If you say "alright" in the mirror 3 times Matthew McConaughey will appear and hand you a joint.