Q: How long does it take before a pound of weed goes bad?
A: I don't know! I've never had it longer than an hour!
Q: How do you know when you are stoned?
A: When you are too phoned to stone home.
Officer: "your eyes look red man have you been smoking weed."
Suspect: "officer your eyes look glazed like you has had doughnuts."
Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale?
A: Mr. President.
Q: How do all stoner stories start?
A: This one time when I was high...
Q: What did the Nickelback fan say to the other Nickelback fan when they ran out of weed?
A: Man, this music sucks.
Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common?
A: They are both baked chickens.
Your mama is so short when she tried to get high she couldn't.
Q: Why don't you see any pot heads in elementary school?
A: Because they're all in high school
Q: How can you tell if you have smoked too much weed?
A: You can't smoke too much weed.