Q: Why don't you see any pot heads in elementary school?
A: Because they're all in high school
I wish my grades would smoke weed too so we could both get higher.
Q: What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed?
A: Han So-high
Q: How do all stoner stories start?
A: This one time when I was high...
Q: How do you know when you are stoned?
A: When you are too phoned to stone home.
A little lizard was walking through the forest to see his pal the monkey.
The monkey call out hey little buddy come up here I got some great pot.
So the little lizard climbed up the tree.
The little lizard and the monkey smoked a great big joint.
The little lizard said hey this stuff is great but I have horrible cottonmouth.
Well there is a river just down there.
So the little lizard walk down the tree through the brush and started to drink the water.
All of a sudden a crocodile came out of the water.
Hey little buddy waz up said the croc, "I just got stoned with my pal the monkey."
"Really" said the croc, "where is he I want some."
He is through the brush and up the tree.
So the croc walked through the brush and to the tree.
The monkey said "holy shit how much did you drink little buddy."
Officer: "your eyes look red man have you been smoking weed."
Suspect: "officer your eyes look glazed like you has had doughnuts."
Your mama is so short when she tried to get high she couldn't.
Q: How can you tell if you have smoked too much weed?
A: You can't smoke too much weed.
Q: What did the Nickelback fan say to the other Nickelback fan when they ran out of weed?
A: Man, this music sucks.