A Knight was getting ready for the crusade. Ha turned to his friend and told him: "My fiancée is the most beautiful girl in the world and I can't imagine her being with someone else, while I'm gone. You're my best friend and I trust you. Here's the key for her chastity belt. In case I never get back, unlock her and set her free." When the crusade Knights were a mile away from the village, the Knight gets an urgent message: "Mate, You Gave Me The Wrong Key!"
An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard: "Woman without her man is nothing." The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly. The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing." The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."
Q: Why do women pierce their bellybutton? A: Place to hang their air freshener.
Either the woman at the back of the train has two really ugly children, or two seriously cool Pokémons.
Q: Why do women have arms? A: Have you any idea how long it would take to lick a bathroom clean?
Q: Why do female skydivers wear jock straps? A: So they don't whistle on the way down.
Q. How are fat girls and mopeds alike? A. They are fun to ride but you don't want your friends to find out.
Q: Why can't women read maps? A: Because only the male mind can comprehend the concept of 1 inch equals a mile.
Boyfriend: Do you think my salary is sufficient for you? Girlfriend: It’s sufficient for me but how will you survive?
An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him. "What'll you have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. "Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!" "Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"