I was drinking my coffee in a coffeehouse when a beautiful girl came near my table and asked me: "Are you alone?" So I responded: "It's a long time that I'm alone." "So do you mind me to take this chair?" said the girl. I fainted...
What kind of bees make milk instead of honey? Boobies.
An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him. "What'll you have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. "Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!" "Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"
Seven days on a honeymoon make one hole weak.
Q: Why can't women read maps? A: Because only the male mind can comprehend the concept of 1 inch equals a mile.
What do the spice girls and a pack of M+Ms have in common? There are assorted colors, but they all taste the same.
A lady who was speeding had an officer pulled her to the side of the road. She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before the officer got to her window. After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?" "Yes, I do, officer," she replied. "Well," asked the officer, "do you always do it up with it looped through your steering wheel?"
Boy: "Do you like parties?" Girl: "Yes, why?" Boy: "Well then jump in my pants and have a ball!"
What is the difference between men and women? A woman wants a man to satisfy their every little need. A man wants all the women to satisfy their one and only little need.
My ex-wife is so thick, that it is for me, when we meet sometimes, easier to jump her over than to go around her.