The best jokes about women

Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that you’ve been telling people that I’m ugly!" "Oh NO! I’ve just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive." "I also heard that you’ve been calling me fat?" "Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are." "I’ve also heard that you’re saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!" "Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"
Vote:
has 70.72 % from 124 votes. More jokes about: fat, husband, sex, ugly, women
I like my women like my morning coffee, falling off the roof of my car as I peel out of a gas station parking lot.
Vote:
has 70.40 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: car, mean, women
A woman is very overweight and goes to see a weight therapist. The woman asks for some good advices. The therapist answers like this: "Well you just need to turn your head to the right and to the left when someone asks you if you want to eat at McDonalds."
Vote:
has 70.40 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: communication, doctor, fat, food, women
A woman walks into her doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I need to lose weight fast." And the doctor says, "Instead of putting food in your mouth, try putting it up your butt." Two months later she comes in and says, "Doctor, it's a dream come true. I'm half the size I was." But the doctor notices that she is bouncing up and down up and down... and he asks, "But where did you get this twitch?" The woman replies, "I don't have a nervous twitch, I'm chewing bubble gum."
Vote:
has 70.40 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, food, women
Q: Why can't women read maps? A: Because only the male mind can comprehend the concept of 1 inch equals a mile.
Vote:
has 70.35 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: geography, women
They were three men discussing how to make their wives to tell them if they cheated on them. The first guy says: "I go home after work at night, lie on the couch, turn on the television and ask: 'Woman you cheated on me today!' 'Who, me my husband? Could I ever do such a thing?' Pissed off as I am, I get up, put her down, punch her and in the end she can’t take it anymore and admits: 'I cheated on you with Nick…'" The secong guy says: "I do exactly the same thing. I punch her and finally she says: 'I cheated on you with Jake…'" The third guy says: "I have no problem at all. I go home, undress, put the sweat pants on, light my cigarette on, I go out to the balcony, see the neighbor spreading clothes and shout at her: 'Mary! You are a whore!' And then she starts saying: 'I’m a whore? Or your wife who sleeps with John, Mark, Peter…!'"
Vote:
has 70.29 % from 103 votes. More jokes about: dirty, husband, war, women
A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks. "I'm going down to give blood." "How much do you get paid for giving blood?" "About $20." "Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again. "Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?" "Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.
Vote:
has 70.28 % from 156 votes. More jokes about: medical, men, money, sex, women
One day a young teen was in a church for the first time and he got a seat net to a not-so-good-looking woman. The pastor was preaching and he said: "Tell your neighbour how beautiful they are" and the boy stood up and said pastor "How can you expect me to lie in a church?"
Vote:
has 69.99 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: beauty, church, teen, women
Maths and Girls are the most complicated things, but Maths at least has some logic.
Vote:
has 69.90 % from 94 votes. More jokes about: math, women
Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women? He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
Vote:
has 69.88 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: women
<<<25262728
More jokes →
Page 25 of 65.