The best jokes about women

Q: How do you fix a woman’s watch? A: You don’t. There is a clock on the oven.
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has 53.35 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: time, women
Andrew went to Medical Insurance to apply for his pension. The woman behind the bench asked for his driving license to verify his age, but he had left his wallet home. He said to her that he had to go home and return later. The woman said: "Unbuckle your shirt." And so he did, revealing his curly, gray hair of his chest. "These gray hair is quite a nice proof for me," she said and continued with his application form. When Andrew went home, he said to his wife what had happened. "You should have taken your pants off," she said, "Maybe you would have taken disability pension too!"
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has 52.97 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: age, marriage, money, wife, women
Lisa needs brain surgery and figures its easier to buy a new brain. She asks the doctor what he has on sale. "Well you're in luck I have two in stock, a man's brain for $1000, and a woman's for $100." Surprised she asks why the price difference? "Generally women brains run cheaper because they come to us used!"
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: women
Jennifer, wanna go to my place? I am not Jennifer But I didn't ask about that...
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: men, women
A beautiful woman in her thirties was passing through customs in London, when the customs official asks her what the reason for her trip to London was. Business or pleasure, he asks? Sadness and pleasure! She says to the officer! Why? Well, my 75 years old husband has just died and I came to his funeral! My condolences, says the officer! It must be a very difficult and painful time you're going through! Not really, this is my pleasure! I'm so sad because only now I found out that he was dead broke and did not leave a dime, a penny, not even a will for me!
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has 52.77 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: age, beauty, business, travel, women
Happy Father's Day to the top three most likely candidates.
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has 52.63 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: Fathers day, kids, sex, single, women
Three women were sitting in a bar, (a brunette, red head, and a blonde) they were all pregnant. The brunette says, "I know what I'm going to have." The other to asked how. She replied, "well I was on top when I conceived so I will have a boy". The red head said, "If that is true then I will have a girl because I was on the bottom when I conceived. The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!".
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has 52.49 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, blonde, ginger, women
Question: What do you call a woman with two brain cells? Answer: Pregnant.
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has 52.23 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: women
A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head. 'What are you doing dear?' 'Swatting flies - I got 3 males and 2 females' 'How do you know what sex they were?' The man very confidently replied, "Easy - 3 were on the beer and 2 were on the phone."
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: beer, husband, old people, phone, women
The ladies say I'm like Usain Bolt in the bedroom... I usually wear a yellow and green vest.
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has 51.70 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: athlete, sex, women
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