The best jokes about women

Why do men like smart women? Opposites attract.
Vote: has 48.02 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, women
An old woman buys herself some bright red crotchless panties and goes home to surprise her husband. When her husband comes home, she calls him into the bedroom and points to her new panties. "Hey old timer," she says, "come and get some of this!" The old man says, "Hell no, woman. It done ate a hole in your drawers!"
Vote: has 47.86 % from 58 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, husband, women
What do you call an open can of tuna in a lesbians apartment? Potpourri.
Vote: has 47.72 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, lesbian, women
"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
Vote: has 47.37 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

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For all those men who say, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free”. Here’s an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage…
Vote: has 47.36 % from 51 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women
Johnny comes home from school and asks his mom what is a "period". His mom says that "A period is when a woman needs to realease her dead egg cells". Johnny asks what color is it. She says it's red. Johnny said "I have one of those but mine is white and it makes babies."
Vote: has 46.90 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, dirty, little Johnny, school, women
Question: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? Answer: The dog, because he’ll shut up after you let him in.
Vote: has 46.87 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dog, wife, women
Q: How do you know when a women's about to say something smart? A: When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...."
Vote: has 46.70 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

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A man, a woman, and a great survivor are trapped on an island. The survivor finds a bunch of coconuts. The man thinks to himself, "What if there are other people on the island? Then we won't be stranded!" He throws coconuts at nearby ships, and the island was populated. Everybody looks at him cross. Then they kick him off the island.
Vote: has 46.70 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: desert island, mean, men, travel, women
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of? Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
Vote: has 46.54 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, women