Why do women always fart only when they go to the bathroom? They have to blow dry—and there's nothing to shake.
A Lady calls the airline office in New York and asks, "How long does it take to fly to Hawaii?" The clerk says to her, "Just a second." The woman says "Thank you", and hangs up.
My Dearest Susan, Sweetie of my heart. I’ve been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement. Simply devastated. Won’t you please consider coming back to me? You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill. I can never marry another woman quite like you. I need you so much. Won’t you forgive me and let us make a new beginning? I love you so. Yours always and truly, John P.S. Congratulations on you winning the state lottery.
How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common? They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one.
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears are on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones are on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears are on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised by the collection, especially because it’s so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her. She turns to him…they kiss…then they rip each other’s clothes off and romp around the room all night. After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how’d I do?” The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”
Question: How many men does it take to open a beer? Answer: None. It should already be open by the time she brings it.
What would a computer geek is going to do after seeing a beautiful woman? "Immediately start downloading it."
What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig? A women who won't do what she's told.
Q: What do women and cats have in common? A: Pussy farts.