A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Wow," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.
"I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong.
How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it
Why was the name "P.M.S." chosen ?
Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken...
What's the difference between a mosquito and a woman?
When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking.
Question: What do women and Slinkies have in common?
Answer: Not really too much, but you can’t help but crack a smile when one tumbles down the stairs.
Question: Why do women close their eyes during sex?
Answer: They can’t stand seeing a man have a good time.
Chuck Norris sleeps with every woman on the planet once a month... and they bleed for a week.
Q: Why haven't they sent any women to the moon?
A: Because it doesn't need cleaning yet.
Question: How is a woman like a laxative?
Answer: They both irritate the shit out of you.
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger.
What do men dream of?
Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.