The best jokes about women

A man came home from the bar with an unknown woman. He woke up in the morning and yelled, "A crocodile, a crocodile!" The woman woke up and asked, "Where, where?" A man cried again, "O-o-oh, the crocodile is talking!"
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has 49.93 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, women
Question: Why do women close their eyes during sex? Answer: They can’t stand seeing a man have a good time.
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has 49.86 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: sex, time, women
Q: Why haven't they sent any women to the moon? A: Because it doesn't need cleaning yet.
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has 49.72 % from 102 votes. More jokes about: travel, women
Question: How is a woman like a laxative? Answer: They both irritate the shit out of you.
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has 49.61 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: women
The new Marine Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the desert. During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there. Well, sir," is the reply, "as you know, there are 250 men here and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have ... urges. That's why we have the camel,sir." "The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay." About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his own urges, and asks the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent . Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has sex with the camel. When he is done, he asks the First Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?" "No sir," the First Sergeant replies. "They usually just ride the camel into town."
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has 49.54 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: animal, military, women
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of? Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
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has 49.51 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: men, women
A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head. 'What are you doing dear?' 'Swatting flies - I got 3 males and 2 females' 'How do you know what sex they were?' The man very confidently replied, "Easy - 3 were on the beer and 2 were on the phone."
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has 49.51 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: beer, husband, old people, phone, women
What is a buttress? A female goat.
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has 49.51 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: animal, women
An old woman buys herself some bright red crotchless panties and goes home to surprise her husband. When her husband comes home, she calls him into the bedroom and points to her new panties. "Hey old timer," she says, "come and get some of this!" The old man says, "Hell no, woman. It done ate a hole in your drawers!"
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has 49.41 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: dirty, husband, women
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Priest said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"
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has 48.78 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: marriage, priest, wedding, women
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