What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing you haven't told her twice!
What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman? A baby with a black eye!
Question: How do you fix a woman’s watch? Answer: You don’t. There’s a clock on the stove.
How many women does it take to change a light bulb? 11 - 10 to form a committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it...
A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?” “What dear?” she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. ”I think you’re bad luck.”
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, ''But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.''
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women? When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
My sister was with two men in one night. She could hardly walk after that. Can you imagine? Two dinners!
How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
What do you do if your dishwasher breaks down? Kick her where the sun don't shine.