What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you already told her twice.
What’s the difference between goats and women??
Goats are always horney.
Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry.
By taking a few minutes each day for the week preceding the exam and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared. And best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in the privacy of your own home.
Exercise #1: Freeze two metal bookends overnight.
Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room.
Press the bookends against one of your breasts.
Smash the bookends together as hard as you can.
Repeat with the other breast. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.
Exercise #2 Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box.
Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure.
Hold that position for five seconds.
Do this again in case the last time wasn't effective enough.
Then repeat with the other breast.
Exercise #3 Visit your garage at 3 a.m. when the temperature of the concrete floor is just perfect.
Take off all your warm clothes and lay comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car.
Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until the breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled.
Turn over and repeat for the other breast.
CONGRATULATIONS!
Now you are properly prepared for your mammogram.
What is a buttress?
A female goat.
Why did the blonde have a sore belly button?
Because there are blonde men too!
Q: How do you blind a woman?
A: You put a windshield in front of her.
Q: Why shouldn't girls wear skirts in winter?
A: Because their lips will get chapped!
I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
Think of the hottest woman.
Chuck Norris did her.
Vote:
How fast can a women drive? 68 mph.
If she hits 69, she flips over and blows a rod.