How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Question: What’s six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild? Answer: Money.
Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for the week preceding the exam and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared. And best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in the privacy of your own home. Exercise #1: Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Repeat with the other breast. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again. Exercise #2 Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Do this again in case the last time wasn't effective enough. Then repeat with the other breast. Exercise #3 Visit your garage at 3 a.m. when the temperature of the concrete floor is just perfect. Take off all your warm clothes and lay comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until the breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast. CONGRATULATIONS! Now you are properly prepared for your mammogram.
Q: What happens if your dishwasher stops working? A: You punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer? A: None, it better be open when she brings it to you.
Question: What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull? Answer: Lipstick.
How many women does it take to change a light bulb? 11, 10 to form a committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it..
Question: What do you call a woman who has lost 95 percent of her intelligence? Answer: Divorced.
Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common? A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!
How many men does it take to please a woman. Impossible. Once a woman's done bitching about the men they're all asleep.