A builder was once building a fence to surround a farmer's sheep. The builder finished, and the farmer was ready to pay. The builder then came up to the farmer and said: "Sir, I hope this isn't too a-fenc-ive.
A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant. His friend asks, "Didn't your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?" The businessman replies, "That's the accountant we're looking for."
God tried to make everyone different. He got bored by the time he got to China.
God gave man his penis and his brain but blood only enough to work one another at a time.
Q: What do you call a white guy who needs to go somewhere across town but does not own an automobile? A: A taxi.
Work emails are like the gym. You sign up for it thinking it will be loads of fun. You get bored of it within hours. You only keep going to keep up your reputation. The more you stay away, the harder it is to go back.
Yo mama so fat that when she works out too long she starts sweating cooking oil.
Q: What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.? A: Lazy.
Q: What is the difference between a rooster and a whore? A: The rooster goes cock doodle do and the whore goes any cock do!
Q: How do you kill an emo? A: You don't you let depression do the work.