The best work jokes

Q: What does a black person have in common with a soda machine? A: They both don't work and always take your money.
Vote: has 65.32 % from 123 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black people, money, racist, work
Obama and his generals in the Pentagon discussed, and they could not agree on, what is the best time for the assault on Russia. Finally, they decide to ask the French: "When is it best to invade Russia?" The French answered: "We do not know, but certainly not in the winter, it would go wrong for sure." Therefore, it would probably be better to ask the Germans: "When is it best to invade Russia?" The Germans answer: "We do not know, but it certainly would not be in the summer. We have tried, already..." What to do? Someone proposes to ask China that is progressive and always comes up with a new idea. So they asked the Chinese, "When is the best time to invade Russia?" The Chinese replies: "Right now!" Russia began to build "The Strength of Siberia" pipeline, "Turkish stream", The Spaceport "Vostochny", The Bridge to the Crimea, and in the near future they will modernize the BAM, they are building new sports complexes for the World Cup in football and athletics, they are planning oil extraction in the Arctic... Right now they do need a lot of POW as work force.
Vote: has 65.19 % from 33 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: ethnic, political, war, winter, work
Alex an Aussie builder was going through a house he had just built for the woman who owned it. She was telling him what colour to paint each room. They went into the first room and she said "I want this room to be painted a light blue." The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"  When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be bright red. The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"  When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be tan. The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"  When he came back, the lady was pretty curious, so she asked him "I keep telling you colours, but you go out the front and yell 'green side up' - what is that for?" The builder said, "Oh don't worry about that, I've just got a couple of Kiwi's laying the turf out front."
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: men, women, work
Q: Why should you keep a blonde on the job 7 days a week? A: So you don't have to retrain them every Monday.
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, stupid, time, work
I always arrive late to work, but I make up for it by leaving early.
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: time, work
A man comes home alone from work. Suddenly he hears this voice saying: "Now its time to quit your job, sell your house, take your money and go to Las Vegas." He doesn't pay much attention to it but after a week hearing the same voice, he thinks ok! He quits his job, sells his house, withdraws all his money and goes to Vegas. The moment he steps out of the plane the voice tells him "Find the nearest casino!" He enters a casino and the voice says: " Go to the roulette-table and put all your money on 17 black! He complies and the croupier spins the wheel and says "Rien ne va plus" 21 RED! And then the voice goes "Damn!"
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: game, money, time, travel, work
Librarians may be shy, but their patrons aren't. Look at their oddball requests: A patron offered me $100 to steal a cactus from somebody's yard. A patron wanted me to find a book to teach her dog german. A patron on his way to the casino asked to rub my red hair for luck. A patron once asked me for my home phone number so she could call me with reference questions when I wasn't at work.
Vote: has 64.88 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, dog, money, phone, work
Why are black people & vending machines the same? Because they both don't work & they both steal your money.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 121 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black people, money, racist, work
If Chuck Norris ever opened a restaurant, the only thing on the menu would be knuckle sandwiches and eye of roundhouse steaks.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food, work
Jimmy is calling Sergey, who he met at an international conference. Jimmy: "Hi, I've hear there is minus 54 degrees Celsius." Sergey: "Nonsense, not even minus 15!" Jimmy: "But on CNN, they've just shown a thermometer..." Sergey: "Ohh, ok, maybe outside."
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: phone, technology, winter, work


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