Yo mamma so stupid when she went to the library to get an application for a library card they said: "I need your ID" she gave them an EBT card.
Q: What's a shy and retiring accountant?
A: An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's retiring.
Vote:
The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashier and was down to two final applicants - one of which would get the job.
The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York.
A nice young man, but a bit timid.
Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!"
Up stepped a burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself.
"He looks like he can take care of any situation," thought the manager, and decided, there and then, to hire him.
He turned to the first applicant and told him he could go and they would let him know.
Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry yourself that's an important asset for the job as cashier. However, you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out the place on the application where we asked your formal education."
Jim looked a little confused so the manager said, "Where did you get your financial education?"
"Oh," replied Jim " at Yale."
"That's very good, excellent. You're hired! Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called?"
Jim answered "I don't care. Yimi or Mr. Yonson."
A man works in the operations department of a large bank.
Employees call him from the field when they have problems with their computers.
One night a blonde woman from a branch bank called him and said, "I've got smoke coming from the back of my computer terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system.
You are currently in 352nd place and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
Vote:
Why are niggers like sperm?
Only 1 in a Million actually works.
Vote:
I know an archaeologist who can tell you what period a tampon was from.
Vote:
How many civil servants does it take to set fire to Guy Fawkes on November 5th?
Twenty, One to strike the match and nineteen to fill in the paper work.
Mother: "Why was the phone busy all night?"
Babysitter: "The fire department put me on hold."
Vote:
Yo momma's so old her first job was as Cain and Abel' babysitter.