Would you like to hear a construction joke? [Yes] Well I'm still working on it.
Mother: "Why was the phone busy all night?" Babysitter: "The fire department put me on hold."
Why are niggers like sperm? Only 1 in a Million actually works.
Q: How do you keep a Republican busy for a week? A: Turn on the spell checker.
I remember my guidance counselor. The guy studied for years for his job, and deepest thing he ever said to me was, "You have your whole life ahead of you."
Yo mama so stupid, she thought Ewoks were just Homeless Care Bears on drugs.
Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?" "11" he replied. The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right." "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?" "Today and tomorrow." He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. "Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?" Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know." "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?" So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"
Happy Father's Day to the only person on the planet still willing to employ me.
If you think you have shitty job, what if you were toilet paper!