The best work jokes

Q: What did the constipated mathematician do? A: He worked it out with a pencil!
Vote: has 60.15 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: math, work
Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time. After 3 years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community, and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over. The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top which he had promised his wife. So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him. But, alas, Andy refused. He told the warden, "Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place."
Vote: has 59.93 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop, prison, wife, work
A father went to take his daughter from school. While waiting, he heard her talking with a classmate of hers "I worry so much-..! My dad works 16 hours a day so he can build a dream house for when I grow up. My mom spends her days cooking for me, making deserts and tiding my room so I can have fun. I worry. I’m so worried!" "With that kind of parents you have nothing to worry about," her friend told her. "Yeah, but what if... What if they... What if they... ESCAPE?"
Vote: has 59.80 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, kids, school, work
A man working with an electric saw accidentally saws off all 10 fingers. He rushes to the emergency room. The doctor says, "Give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do." "But I don't have the fingers!" "Why didn't you bring the fingers?!" asks the incredulous doctor. "Doc, I couldn't pick them up."
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, work
Chuck Norris can paint himself into a corner and still get the job done.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, work
There's no wine holder on this vacuum cleaner. It's like it wasn't even designed for women. How can I be expected to work under these conditions?
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More jokes about: technology, wine, women, work
Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job? A: Because it was soda pressing.
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More jokes about: office, work
Q: What do you call a group financial controller who's lost his job? A: Bob.
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More jokes about: accountant, money, work
While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set. "If you get your train," I told him, "your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?" The boy became very quiet. So, moving the conversation along, I asked, "What else would you like Santa to bring you?" He promptly replied, "Another train."
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Christmas, communication, kids, work
A social worker is facing a mugger with a gun. "Your money or your life!" says the mugger. "I'm sorry," the social worker answers, "I am a social worker, so I have no money and no life."
Vote: has 58.77 % from 36 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life, money, work


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