What is the best job in a country which is war-prone?
"Foreign ambassador."
Q: What do you call a women who does as much work as a man?
A: A lazy b*tch.
Q: What did the butcher say when he backed into the meat-grinder?
A: Looks like I'm getting a little behind in my work!
Vote:
Yo mamma so stupid when she went to the library to get an application for a library card they said: "I need your ID" she gave them an EBT card.
The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you.
Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house instead of two."
Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes.
He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, "I'm glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us."
The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
Vote:
During a conversation regarding new potential Johny's job:
"Johny, tell us and what is your weak feature?"
Johny: "Openness!"
Interviewer: "But the openness isn't a weak feature!"
Johny: "Ok, but I fuck what you think!"
Vote:
Q: What does a plumber need to know about his job?
A: Sh*t runs downhill and payday is on Friday.
Vote:
A woman asks an agriculturalist: "Please, tell me what shall I do? I have a garden but nothing grows there, like flowers or vegetables."
The agriculturalist says: "You know, it is to dung the garden with a good fertilizer."
The woman says: "And wouldn´t it be better to plant the vegetables directly into the ass?"
Yo mama so stupid, she thought Ewoks were just Homeless Care Bears on drugs.