The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house instead of two." Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes. He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, "I'm glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us."
Q: What is long and black? A: An unemployment line
Q: What did the butcher say when he backed into the meat-grinder? A: Looks like I'm getting a little behind in my work!
Chuck Norris is so tough, that he doesn't get a workout from the weights,they get a workout from him.
A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. ''No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,'' he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump. As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. ''Here,'' she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. ''I found them in the hallway.'' ''Now,'' she said, ''if only I could find my parakeet.''
Chuck Norris asked his script writer for more dialogue and the script writer said "Chuck you mean more grunting?"
What is the best job in a country which is war-prone? "Foreign ambassador."
YO MAMA IS SO STUPID SHE GOT FIRED FROM A BL*W JOB.
Q: Why didn't the dentist ask his secretary out? A: He was already taking out a tooth.
Chuck Norris doesn't run for President; the President runs for Vice God Chuck Norris.