Q: What did the butcher say when he backed into the meat-grinder? A: Looks like I'm getting a little behind in my work!
A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. ''No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,'' he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump. As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. ''Here,'' she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. ''I found them in the hallway.'' ''Now,'' she said, ''if only I could find my parakeet.''
Two men were talking about their wives. First: "I'm a teacher whenever we are in bed my wife says repeat please." Second: "I'm a driver when we are sexing she thinks I'm in a gas station so she screws my dick and says: 'fill it up super!'"
What is the best job in a country which is war-prone? "Foreign ambassador."
Chuck Norris had his first job as a paperboy. "There were no survivors."
YO MAMA IS SO STUPID SHE GOT FIRED FROM A BL*W JOB.
Me "Hi! Welcome to McDonald's! Can I take your Mcorder?" Boss "You don't have to put Mc in front of everything." Me "Oh okay. Hi! Welcome to Donalds! Can I take your order?" Boss "Get out."
What are the 3 things you cannot give a black guy? A fat lip, a black eye, or a job.
At an exhibition of military painting a visitor was admiring a picture. "What a great realist that painter is!" he exclaimed. "What painter?" "The one that painted this picture 'Soldiers at Work'." "Yes, hut something is wrong there. Those soldiers aren't working at all!" "That is just the greatest stroke of realism in the picture!"
As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.