A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady.
He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes.
In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump.
''No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,'' he said to himself.
He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump.
As he was cleaning up, the lady came in.
''Here,'' she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. ''I found them in the hallway.''
''Now,'' she said, ''if only I could find my parakeet.''
What is the best job in a country which is war-prone?
"Foreign ambassador."
Chuck Norris had his first job as a paperboy.
"There were no survivors."
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My girlfriend asked me for the 7th time in a row for me to smash raw...
She must think I'm made of coat hangers.
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YO MAMA IS SO STUPID SHE GOT FIRED FROM A BL*W JOB.
An alcoholic addict just returned home from a rehab and he saw crate of empty bottles sitting at the corner and he goes there grab one and smacknit to the wall and said "you made my wife leave me."
Grab another one and smashes it and said "you made me get fired from work" and grab another one which was full and was about to smash it and he brushes it and said "you were not part of them and open and drink...."
A guy dials his home phone number from work.
A strange woman answers.
The guy says, "Who is this?"
"This is the maid," answered the woman.
"We don’t have a maid!"
"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."
"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"
"Ummm…she’s upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband."
The guy is fuming.
He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"
"What do I have to do?"
"I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she’s with."
The maid puts down the phone.
The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots.
The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?"
"Throw them in the swimming pool!"
"What pool?”"
"Uh.. is this 832-4173?"
As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer.
He gave the world Stonehenge.
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Yo' Mama is so poor, her tv only has two channels: on and not working.
How has Jesse Jackson lost the vote of most niggers?
He promised to create jobs for them if elected.
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